For the first time in my life, I went for a pap smear test.
homaigod.
Ok ceritanya gini.
I scheduled my appointment for a pap smear on Feb. The first time I went to see my doctor, hari tu cuma untuk sesi berkenalan je. Dia nak tau family history, my health history, current medication blah blah. Kira that day was for the patient (aka me) to gauge whether or not I'd like this doctor to be my doctor.
The procedure over here, kita boleh hire-and-fire your doctor to be your Primary Care Physician (PCP). Your PCP will be your first contact kalau ada apa-apa masalah as well as caring for your on-going health issues. So instead of going to some random clinic ke hospital ke apa, you'd first go to see your PCP, they will diagnose you and recommend the proper solution. They'd also refer you to a trusted specialist if you need. If you need ubat ke apa, they'll provide the prescription for you and you can bring that prescription to the pharmacy. They're your family doctor la kiranya.
Speaking of ubat, hospitals and doctors office usually tak de obattt. You'd have to get your obat from outside pharmacies. Usually drug stores ada pharmacy segment at the back, so you'd bring your prescription from your doctor to them, and they'll provide you with your meds.
ANYWAY
So I scheduled my appointment, and my doctor told me to schedule another appointment for physical.
Like crap. Tak boleh ke buat sekali gus. Malasnyaaaaa nak kena amik cuti bagai.
But whatever lah. More of a reason for me to prep my vagina. LOLOL
So I did. I scheduled 2 weeks after that day. When the day came, tetiba la pulak period kan. I wasn't sure if you can do your pap smear WHILE on period. Aku fikir, mesti bersembur sembur darah bila kangkang kan...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Damn imaginasi tinggi.
I rescheduled it, a month later.
So the day for my physical finally arrived. Oh before tu lupa nak bagitau, on the day itself (my appointment was at 2:30pm), in the morning I was working. So I rushed home, got home around 1pm-ish, had lunch etc. Tengah tengah rehat sambil tunggu jam 2am (the health center is only 10mins from my house), tiba tiba teringat:
"OH SHIT. AKU TAK SHAVE PEPET LAGI"
Then kelam kabut shave. Nasib baik gua ni pro. Guna shaver laki. Dia shave muka, gua shave pepet.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAH
Tahik gila aku ni
Anyway, kau nak present your vajayjay to a stranger, takkan kau nak dia perform treasure hunting kot. Kena selak selak baru jumpa. HAHAHAHHAHA
Ok I'm making it sounds so horrible, it's not that horrible guys. Aku tak de la biarkan pubic hair tumbuh so wild sampai boleh buat braids, y'alls.
Jijik.
Macam mana laki aku nak perform hobi di malam Jumaat kalau bukak bukak je WHOOSSHH rumput sejambak.
HAHAHAHSJAHSJAHSJAHS
Oh speaking of malam Jumaat, what in the world does that mean? Meaning kau cuma have sex hari Jumaat je ke? (or is it on Thursday night itself?)
But whatever it is, damn how do you live with that. Once a week? It's not a chore ladies. It's human nature, we want it all the time.
Anyway I digress.
So back to my pap smear test (HAHAH yes aku ni kuat get off track). So I dragged my husband with me in the room. My doctor came, we talked a bit, blah blah, then she told me wear this hospital gown yg ada cuma strings tu. Ok, meh sini aku nak complain, ni gown utk budak budak ke apaaaa. My boobs can barely fit the damn thing!
Anyway, so I laid on the medical chair thingy (??for some reason my brain can't think what it's called, but you should know what I mean), she covered my bottom half with a cover, and said "Ok, I'm going to check for any lumps on your breasts now ok"
I was like.
"Um, okay, go ahead, pile on onto my uncomfortable-ness"
All of us laughed at my dumb joke.
Dude, I don't know why but I'd make dumb jokes when I'm uncomfortable. I used to just talk non-stop, but apparently I've developed this habit where I'd say stupid shit. I guess it's my brain trying to ease up the situation or something.
Anyway, she opened my gown, and pressed on my boobs. Squeeze and squeezed.
DUDE, IT HURT.
Don't get me wrong, I like it rough on the bed, but THIS FRICKING HURT.
LOLOL
She said all is normal.
I replied "Good, because that hurt and I don't want to do it again"
LOL
Sorry, I couldn't help my mouth.
Then she went on to pull the leg structures from the chair (sorry, don't know what it's called), and asked me to put my legs there. She told me to move forward so that my butt touches the edge of the chair.
She lubed up the device, and told me to take a deep breath. And she shoved it in.
Ok first thing first here. The "shoving" part, didn't hurt at all. maybe the fact that I'm used to big stuff LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, but it's the fucking scraping or swabbing or whatever that comes afterwards that's soooooooooooooooooooo uncomfortable!!
I felt it was scraping the inner wall of my vagina (ok that's not true, it's actually the opening of the cervix) but hole fucking shitball.
Most. Uncomfortable. Feeling. Ever.
And I thought letting a stranger squeeze my boobs were uncomfortable?? How naive was I.
Oklah, I know you're an expert, you've had 10120231 pap smear tests, and you must be thinking "alaaaaaa setakat feeling pap smear je dah dramatik over over".
Whatever.
I'm telling how I felt and if you don't like it, then go write on your own blog.
Eh tetiba defensive apahal.
HAHAHAH
Anyway, I hated the feeling. It didn't hurt. And when Don asked me how it felt, I couldn't describe it. I told him, it's not just something I can describe.
He said "try me"
I said "Can't. You don't have a hole in your private region"
He said "yes I do. A butt hole"
T___________T
Whatever, gua malas nak layan laki gua.
Ok bai.
Saturday, April 22, 2017
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
GUESS WHO'S BACK?? ALIA'S BACK!
Homaigod
Alia is aliveeeeee
Hoooraaayyy!!
Ok, not really. Bareeeelllyyyy alive!
Semalam rasa nak pitam. Sakit perut macam nak beranak 8. I had diarrhea and stomach cramp at the same time. Menggigil badan semalam. I had to take a sick day from work today. Kalau tak mahunya pengsan on the road.
There goes my clean record of straight work attendance at work since I started working.
I told my boss that I have not taken a single day off from work since I reported for duty, dia punya lah impressed sampai ckp unbelievable. I am (well, was) the only employee yang tak pernah amik cuti. Tapi sebab smlm tercirit cirit, muntah muntah, I had to break that record :(
Anyway. How are you guys doing? Lama rasanya tak berborak dalam BM. I have so much to talk about, tapi as usual, bila depan keyboard, terus hilang idea.
It's fall season now. So temperature makin hari makin sejuk. I live in the south, so tak de la melampau drastic temperature. Sejuk lite lite gitu je.
Hari tu first time experienced state of emergency where they deployed National Guard during the Charlotte protest. My office is near the National Guard base, so hari tu keluarlah segala tanks, trucks, lori bagai. Usually the base is empty, not much activity, tapi sebab state of emergency, sumpah hectic. The mayor even put a curfew on uptown Charlotte and the major highway. So sesiapa yg masih berada in the city during that curfew hours, kena tangkap uols.
Rumah ahkak is about 40mins away from Charlotte, tapi opis kat Charlotte. Tapi nasib baik la my office bukan kat uptown. But untuk pergi keja, I have to use that major highway. Nasib ler they lifted the curfew pukul 6am. Just about time for us decent folks to make some honest living.
I was more concerned about idiots trashing my car.
Korang bukannya tak tau, criminals and thugs will use this opportunity to do stupid shit.
Did you guys see the videos during the protest? It was more like a riot than a protest. They were trashing the place, offices, fires, kejadian mobster. Please lah. Sebab tu I don't agree with this kind of protest. Dapat manusia bodoh macam tu, things get violent.
Anyway, for those yang bertanya (kalau tak tanya pun aku nak kasi tau jugak), I am fine. Duh. Obviously. LOL. But my family was worried sebab it was battle of skin color, whether they admit that or not. They said it wasn't, but we all know that it was. I mean I am brown, but I married a white man. So I was expected to choose a side? No thanks.
Anywaaaaaayyy, moving on to a lighter note, we recently went to a park somewhere here (about ~30mins from my house) sebab diorg ada art festival. There were music bands, tons of handicraft stores. I really had fun. But there were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people. Don and I even went for a short hike in the forest. This park is like kau nak jungle trekking, kau nak main paddle boat, kau nak main water pads? No problem.
Imma post some pictures because I know you guys are bored reading this already LOL
Jalan masuk park. If you don't want to walk, there are tractors that will carry your lazy fat ass to the entrance. LOL. Tapi oleh disebabkan ahkak ni masih gagah perkasa, kita jalan kaki ye nok.
Punyalah ramai nya manusiaaaaa
Aku perasan yg berkulit putih je suka benda benda gini. Yang berkulit gelap jarang betul nampak kat tempat tempat nature macam ni.
Tetiba ada casket uols. Halloween decoration katanya.
Khemah khemah kecil selling their handcrafted goods. Rasa macam gypsies pulak.
Blacksmith in progress. Dunno what he was making. A sword? An iron plate? A cup?
We met them here.
Laki gua yang saikosis.
We broke off from there. They went home. We went on our way. We had tons of exploring to do.
Next stop: The lake.
Sambil tu, kita selfie dulu.
I wore the wrong shoes for trailing. I was wearing my sneakers instead of my sports shoes.
Girls, it is ALWAYS important that you wear according to the occasion. Jangan jadi macam ahkak.
Afterwards, perut lapar gilaaaa. Since we're both not familiar with the area (it was in Salisbury btw), so we've decided to go back to our favorite IHOP.
Mamat ni tengah berangan apa ntah.
Ok bai.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
As usual, Alia punya entry tiada ending.
Nah, amik gambar kami berdua seketul.
Alia is aliveeeeee
Hoooraaayyy!!
Ok, not really. Bareeeelllyyyy alive!
Semalam rasa nak pitam. Sakit perut macam nak beranak 8. I had diarrhea and stomach cramp at the same time. Menggigil badan semalam. I had to take a sick day from work today. Kalau tak mahunya pengsan on the road.
There goes my clean record of straight work attendance at work since I started working.
I told my boss that I have not taken a single day off from work since I reported for duty, dia punya lah impressed sampai ckp unbelievable. I am (well, was) the only employee yang tak pernah amik cuti. Tapi sebab smlm tercirit cirit, muntah muntah, I had to break that record :(
Anyway. How are you guys doing? Lama rasanya tak berborak dalam BM. I have so much to talk about, tapi as usual, bila depan keyboard, terus hilang idea.
It's fall season now. So temperature makin hari makin sejuk. I live in the south, so tak de la melampau drastic temperature. Sejuk lite lite gitu je.
Hari tu first time experienced state of emergency where they deployed National Guard during the Charlotte protest. My office is near the National Guard base, so hari tu keluarlah segala tanks, trucks, lori bagai. Usually the base is empty, not much activity, tapi sebab state of emergency, sumpah hectic. The mayor even put a curfew on uptown Charlotte and the major highway. So sesiapa yg masih berada in the city during that curfew hours, kena tangkap uols.
Rumah ahkak is about 40mins away from Charlotte, tapi opis kat Charlotte. Tapi nasib baik la my office bukan kat uptown. But untuk pergi keja, I have to use that major highway. Nasib ler they lifted the curfew pukul 6am. Just about time for us decent folks to make some honest living.
I was more concerned about idiots trashing my car.
Korang bukannya tak tau, criminals and thugs will use this opportunity to do stupid shit.
Did you guys see the videos during the protest? It was more like a riot than a protest. They were trashing the place, offices, fires, kejadian mobster. Please lah. Sebab tu I don't agree with this kind of protest. Dapat manusia bodoh macam tu, things get violent.
Anyway, for those yang bertanya (kalau tak tanya pun aku nak kasi tau jugak), I am fine. Duh. Obviously. LOL. But my family was worried sebab it was battle of skin color, whether they admit that or not. They said it wasn't, but we all know that it was. I mean I am brown, but I married a white man. So I was expected to choose a side? No thanks.
Anywaaaaaayyy, moving on to a lighter note, we recently went to a park somewhere here (about ~30mins from my house) sebab diorg ada art festival. There were music bands, tons of handicraft stores. I really had fun. But there were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people. Don and I even went for a short hike in the forest. This park is like kau nak jungle trekking, kau nak main paddle boat, kau nak main water pads? No problem.
Imma post some pictures because I know you guys are bored reading this already LOL
Girls, it is ALWAYS important that you wear according to the occasion. Jangan jadi macam ahkak.
Afterwards, perut lapar gilaaaa. Since we're both not familiar with the area (it was in Salisbury btw), so we've decided to go back to our favorite IHOP.
Ok bai.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
As usual, Alia punya entry tiada ending.
Nah, amik gambar kami berdua seketul.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Tons Of Pictures
Fuh.
Lamanya rasa tak type full sentences dalam BM. Rasa kekok pulak.
Chey chey chey
Sila tampar sikit.
Perasan mat salleh sangat.
Hahaha
Anyway, kali ni cikkak tak de isu isu hangat untuk diperdebatkan. Kalau ada pun, I'm not interested to write about it.
Kali ni I'm just gonna upload tons of pictures sebab today is Easter Sunday and I had my first experience of coloring eggs yesterday.
But before that, mari lah kita throwback ke ntah beberapa minggu yang lalu.
DEADPOOL
We finally went to watch Deadpool I think after about 2 weeks movie tu keluar kot. Adik ipar ku memang fanatik betul Deadpool so dia la yg ajak.
We went to Starlight cinema, and I don't think I can ever go to another cinemas again because Starlight has spoilt me. They have reclining seats and seats dia adalah gabak. bagus untuk mak walrus ini.
Tengok la laki 2 ekor ni. Saikosis tau.
Yes. popcorn adalah gabak.
I think size bucket tu is Large and the drink is a Medium.
Bucket tu lagi besar dari kepala aku ok. Jangan memain.
I think throughout the whole movie, mulut tak berhenti mengunyah, tapi at the end of the movie, mcm tak sentuh langsung popcorn tu.
Gila babeng punya banyak.
But one thing je aku kureng sikit, their popcorn bukannya caramel mcm kat Mesia. Theirs is salty uols. Kalau nak caramel, kena top up for toppings (or buy outside of the cinema).
Sini popcorn = salty. Sebab tu Americans saiz gempal gempal. hehehehe.
RANDOM OOTD
Original goal ialah utk tangkap gambar OOTD. Tapi sempat tangkap 2 hari je. Pastu hilang semangat.
hahahahahahaha
Sila enjoice 2 gambar ni je.
ALIA BERKERJAYA DAN BERKERETA
I got my very own first car!
Ini maybe highlight of the month la kot.
Tak pernah seumur idup ni beli kereta sendiri, so ini memang first car la.
I'll have to say, walaupun I had to go through hoops sebab I'm considered a new immigrant (I have no credit report), tapi getting a car is relatively easier as compared to Malaysia.
okay maybe la nak beli kereta kat Malaysia tu pun senang, it's just aku tak de pengalaman beli keta kat Malaysia. But based from my relatives and friends punya experience, agak payah dan leceh la jugak.
Last weekend, we went to the car dearlership with the intention of finding what my options are, considering aku tak de credit report since I'm a new immigrant.
Having an established credit is everything over here. From buying/renting a house, to a car, getting a credit card, to even smart phones, semua diorg tgk your credit report. Credit report tu is a report of your credit history, how you bayar your hutang. Kalau you bayar on time everytime, your credit ratings tinggi which is good, which means you'd have no prob of getting a loan.
So since my credit report is basically "nothing", it's considered as "bad credit" sebab they don't know whether or not aku ni boleh harap utk bayar hutang or not. So sebab tu I was pretty nervous of going to the dealership. I didn't want to get my hopes high sebab kalau pergi sana then diorg ckp i'm not qualified to buy a car, mesti la punah harapan kan. hahahahaha
I'm a realist.
So anyway, after 3-4 hours there, I went home with a car uols.
Tak sangka that salesman berjaya men-convinced bank utk kasi loan. Gila terrer salesman tu.
I got myself a 2014 Chevrolet Sonic LT in blue which I'm naming him The Hedgehog.
Plate and registration belum sampai lagi. Kena tunggu dlm 30 hari baru no. plate sampai. Tu temp plate je uols.
Memula kekok jugak la nak drive on the right side. Tapi inshallah now dah biasa. I have to always keep in mind that bila nak belok, ALWAYS keep it to the right.
Pernah sekali I was on the wrong side of the road (oncoming traffic) and Don panik mcm orang gila.
HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Nasib baik it was a backroad and tak de kereta.
I told Don NOT to give me directions on HOW to drive sebab nanti aku confused. I'd start questioning my judgement and that's not good when you're driving. You should always let the driver judge for him/herself.
Backseat driver = a big no no.
EASTER EGGS PREPARATION?
Question marked because aku pun tak tau nak panggil apa. Nak panggil Easter Sunday eve mcm tak kena pulak.
Anyway, since today is Easter Sunday, so yesterday we had the kids mengaler telur telur untuk diorg hunt today.
This was my first experience of coloring eggs for Easter. Best pulak uols. Aku pulak yg lebih lebih bab bab kaler ni. Hahahah.
Otak artis la katakan. hahahahahahaahahahahah
Anyway, we went to ahkak dan abang ipar punya rumah yesterday and had fun coloring eggs with the kids.
He will never admit it, but bab bab ni laki aku ni pun eksaited. Pshhh.
My colored egg. ntah brapa banyak kaler aku letak, last last jadik purple.
Telur putih, senang la nak letak kaler.
Ce cuba buat dengan telur coklat.
Jadik telur pindang je la.
ok bai.
happy Easter to those yang celebrate!
Lamanya rasa tak type full sentences dalam BM. Rasa kekok pulak.
Chey chey chey
Sila tampar sikit.
Perasan mat salleh sangat.
Hahaha
Anyway, kali ni cikkak tak de isu isu hangat untuk diperdebatkan. Kalau ada pun, I'm not interested to write about it.
Kali ni I'm just gonna upload tons of pictures sebab today is Easter Sunday and I had my first experience of coloring eggs yesterday.
But before that, mari lah kita throwback ke ntah beberapa minggu yang lalu.
DEADPOOL
We finally went to watch Deadpool I think after about 2 weeks movie tu keluar kot. Adik ipar ku memang fanatik betul Deadpool so dia la yg ajak.
We went to Starlight cinema, and I don't think I can ever go to another cinemas again because Starlight has spoilt me. They have reclining seats and seats dia adalah gabak. bagus untuk mak walrus ini.
Tengok la laki 2 ekor ni. Saikosis tau.
I think size bucket tu is Large and the drink is a Medium.
Bucket tu lagi besar dari kepala aku ok. Jangan memain.
I think throughout the whole movie, mulut tak berhenti mengunyah, tapi at the end of the movie, mcm tak sentuh langsung popcorn tu.
Gila babeng punya banyak.
But one thing je aku kureng sikit, their popcorn bukannya caramel mcm kat Mesia. Theirs is salty uols. Kalau nak caramel, kena top up for toppings (or buy outside of the cinema).
Sini popcorn = salty. Sebab tu Americans saiz gempal gempal. hehehehe.
RANDOM OOTD
Original goal ialah utk tangkap gambar OOTD. Tapi sempat tangkap 2 hari je. Pastu hilang semangat.
hahahahahahaha
Sila enjoice 2 gambar ni je.
ALIA BERKERJAYA DAN BERKERETA
I got my very own first car!
Ini maybe highlight of the month la kot.
Tak pernah seumur idup ni beli kereta sendiri, so ini memang first car la.
I'll have to say, walaupun I had to go through hoops sebab I'm considered a new immigrant (I have no credit report), tapi getting a car is relatively easier as compared to Malaysia.
okay maybe la nak beli kereta kat Malaysia tu pun senang, it's just aku tak de pengalaman beli keta kat Malaysia. But based from my relatives and friends punya experience, agak payah dan leceh la jugak.
Last weekend, we went to the car dearlership with the intention of finding what my options are, considering aku tak de credit report since I'm a new immigrant.
Having an established credit is everything over here. From buying/renting a house, to a car, getting a credit card, to even smart phones, semua diorg tgk your credit report. Credit report tu is a report of your credit history, how you bayar your hutang. Kalau you bayar on time everytime, your credit ratings tinggi which is good, which means you'd have no prob of getting a loan.
So since my credit report is basically "nothing", it's considered as "bad credit" sebab they don't know whether or not aku ni boleh harap utk bayar hutang or not. So sebab tu I was pretty nervous of going to the dealership. I didn't want to get my hopes high sebab kalau pergi sana then diorg ckp i'm not qualified to buy a car, mesti la punah harapan kan. hahahahaha
I'm a realist.
So anyway, after 3-4 hours there, I went home with a car uols.
Tak sangka that salesman berjaya men-convinced bank utk kasi loan. Gila terrer salesman tu.
I got myself a 2014 Chevrolet Sonic LT in blue which I'm naming him The Hedgehog.
Plate and registration belum sampai lagi. Kena tunggu dlm 30 hari baru no. plate sampai. Tu temp plate je uols.
Pernah sekali I was on the wrong side of the road (oncoming traffic) and Don panik mcm orang gila.
HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Nasib baik it was a backroad and tak de kereta.
I told Don NOT to give me directions on HOW to drive sebab nanti aku confused. I'd start questioning my judgement and that's not good when you're driving. You should always let the driver judge for him/herself.
Backseat driver = a big no no.
EASTER EGGS PREPARATION?
Question marked because aku pun tak tau nak panggil apa. Nak panggil Easter Sunday eve mcm tak kena pulak.
Anyway, since today is Easter Sunday, so yesterday we had the kids mengaler telur telur untuk diorg hunt today.
This was my first experience of coloring eggs for Easter. Best pulak uols. Aku pulak yg lebih lebih bab bab kaler ni. Hahahah.
Otak artis la katakan. hahahahahahaahahahahah
Anyway, we went to ahkak dan abang ipar punya rumah yesterday and had fun coloring eggs with the kids.
He will never admit it, but bab bab ni laki aku ni pun eksaited. Pshhh.
My colored egg. ntah brapa banyak kaler aku letak, last last jadik purple.
Telur putih, senang la nak letak kaler.
Ce cuba buat dengan telur coklat.
Jadik telur pindang je la.
ok bai.
happy Easter to those yang celebrate!