If you were to ask me the same question a few years ago, mesti takkan dapat jawapan. I mean why does it really matter kan? Macam mana jumpa, kat mana jumpa, masa jumpa tu pakai baju kaler apa, tengah makan apa. Who the hell cares lah.
Eh, tiba-tiba teremo pulak si gedik ni.
Anyway, macam mana nak start cerita ah? Haha..
Flashback kejap ya.
I was a miserable young woman. Lonely and miserable. Rejections was the norm for me. Lelaki mana yang nak perempuan gemok, hitam dan pendek. Tak cukup dengan cela itu, muka berjerawat batu pulak tu.
Self-esteem jangan cakap lah. WHAT self-esteem? Haha. I kept on comparing myself with my circle of friends. Macam langit dan bumi. Cuma aku lagi teruk kot, bukan bumi lagi, dah macam telaga dengan kedalaman 40 kaki kot.
I hated all my years in high school. I was surrounded with pretentious people, dan walaupon I was never kena bullied depan-depan, but kenalah jugak semburan kata-kata sindir dari school mates.
5 years of semburan kata-kata sindir were more than enough to kill my confidence. Though di luaran I seemed like I didn't care, but di dalam, I was ready to break.
Did you know my old crush rejected me lepas dia jumpa aku? Eh, itu cerita lain.
I know all these seem so...exaggerated, but trust me, I shall provide a picture nanti. I'll scan it later lah. Sekarang malas gilakkk. Haha..
So anyway, I 'met' him online when I was 17, JUST got out from school. Yes my dearies, I met him online. Yang kelakarnya, he LOATHES chatting/chat rooms, and he was only there because of his friends. Dan kebetulan I wanted to try chatting, kira itu first time aku chat lah tu. We were there in the same room, at the same time.
Agaknya dah tertulis kot.
"SI ALIA AKAN BERTEMU DENGAN SI DON DI ALAM VIRTUAL PADA HARI SEKIAN DAN WAKTU SEKIAN SEKIAN"
Eh memandai je aku.
He wasn't much of a chat-person. Kalau chat dengan dia, adalah 2-3 patah perkataan je dia type. Gila bosan mat ni. Haha. Dia teramatlah mysterious. And that made me very curious. Walaupon orang cakap "curiosity killed the cat", tapi dalam case ini, "curiosity membuatkan si kucing itu menjadi gemok sebab terlalu banyak love" (haha, proverb hentam sendiri). Eh paham-paham sendiri lah.
His actions (or not-so-much-action) intrigued me. Lagi dia type sepatah, 10 patah aku tanya.
I guess that worked lah kan.
Eh tapi jangan lah blame aku kalau korang buat macam tu then lelaki tu tetiba cakap "I'm busy can you not bother me anymore??". Hahaha...
(I asked him a few years ago, kenapa he acted as if he didn't want to chat with me. Ye lah, cara dia chat dengan aku macam he was annoyed je kan, then he said "Because I knew you were curious about me, and I knew you weren't gonna stop chatting with me. I also knw that women LOVE mysteries".
Hahahah...Cara dia cakap "women love mysteries" tu ada bunyi berunsurkan mengeji. Dalam kata lain, perempuan ni busybody betul lah. Sebok je nak tau kan. Hahahaha...)
So berbalik kepada kisah lama, he remained sebagai "special" chat-buddybuddy sahaja and plus, I didn't know what he looks like. Neither did he know rupa aku macam mana.
For the longest time, I didn't want him to know how I looked like. Almaklumlah, kalau lelaki Malaysia pon jijik tengok muka aku, apatah lagi orang luar kan. Takut dia fikir "Eww, you're nothing compared to all these American girls over here".
Masa tu manalah mak tau yang orang Amerikah ni lagi hodoh dari muka mak niii. Selalu tengok orang Hollywood lawa-lawa jeee. Hahahahah...
Anyway, it was never a problem for me. Tak tau muka dia macam mana pon tak kisah. Tapi kalau dah hari-hari chat (he started to open up, thank God, kalau tak boleh mati kebosanan kot!), so feelings meelings pon started to develop la kannn.
We started to use voice chat jugak masa tu. Masa first time dengar suara dia,, boleh tak aku ingat dia guna machine voice changer tu. Hahah...rupa-rupanya memang suara dia garau..hahahah. Oopssss. I beri the sori.
Can you imagine how strong his words were, sampai boleh jatuh cintan with a faceless person.
Sampailah tahap di mana I couldn't handle it anymore, I really wanted to see the face behind the words. Its been about 2 years lah communicating tanpa muka. Mula-mula takut makkk, buatnya si Don ni berat 4 kali ganda berat aku, perut berlipat 8, berbulu dada kerinting, rambut kerinting berminyak. Urghh, macam-macam aku fikir ok.
Tapi tak pe, kuatkan hati jugak, siap cakap kat diri sendiri "tak kisah lah rupa dia macam mana, yang pentingnya, I fell in love with the man behind the screen, I fell for HE HIMSELF, bukannya setakat tangkap cintan sebab gambar ala-ala Brad Pitt ke apa".
Berkali-kali lafaz ayat tu kat diri sendiri. Haha...punyalah kental.
Oih, takut lah weh. Sekali dapat pakcik pedophile umur 54 tahun gatal ke apa macam mana?! Gila kau, boleh automatically jadi kurus aku sebab terkejut sangat kalau macam tu. Lemak semua cair..haha
I did ask him for a picture (setelah semangat kental built up). Dia sanggup keluar beli webcam!! And he sent me THIS picture!!
Ya Rabbi, hati luruh!! COMEL GILA PAKCIK NI!!
(ok, leave him alone lah, he was 17, of course muka budak)
And he even bought and posted A WEBCAM FOR ME TOO. Like snail-mail? I mean I understand lah, dia dah kasi gambar dia, now it's my turn lah kan. But haha, I refused. I lied to him yang I didn't get his mail, yang his mail was lost somewhere. Gila teruk. Padahal aku dah bedal guna tangkap gambar sendiri (dan adik-adik). Haha.
That lie only lasted for about a few months (eh, lama jugak tau!), until he finally found a picture of me online.
Menangis tak berlagu!! Masa dia tanya "Do you have short hair?", hati dah berhenti berdegup. Crap.
Habislah aku. Putus lah communication aku dengan dia lepas ni.
Dalam otak dah fikir macam-macam. Sekali lagi cintaakuu tidak berjawabbb. I thought I could make him fall for the REAL ALIA dulu sebelum dia tengok rupa aku. Sedih sangat masa tu, sampai dah tak boleh nak menangis.
Masa nak jawab "Yes" pon terketar-ketar.
I expected him to say "Oh." dengan nada disappointed, or "OMG U IS UGLY" straight forward gilos.
Instead, he said "I knew it. You look exactly how I imagined you to be!"
Eh? Excuse me? Betul kah apa yang aku dengar ni?
He actually LIKED/S the way I look?? WAHHHH MAKCIK HAPPY UOLLS!!
Tapi masa tu macam tak percaya lagi, I mean biar betul? Tak pernah orang complimented on how I look like before, so I demanded to see the picture. Wah, betul mekkk, it was a picture of meeeee! Hahahaha (eh, tapi bukan guna webcam yang dia kasi tu, ni gambar guna mobile phone - sorry, dah hilang gambar tu)
Sebenarnya, before he found my picture, dia pon tak kisah rupa aku macam mana, because he fell in love with ME, and not from my looks. Oh, so selama ni, aku bukan bertepuk sebelah tangan lah. Hehehe. Ni according to him ye. Ni bukan ayat angkat bakul.
I personally think it's better lah, I mean you get to know someone first, without having their looks jadi pemberat whether you should reject them or not. But of course it takes a lot of trust, and guts, and semangat kental. Ye lah, what if the person doesn't look like how you imagine them to be. Mesti lah sikit-sikit tu ada impact jugak. But if you truly love him/her, and you really don't care how he/she turns to look like, then no biggie lah kan.
Macam my case, I was willing to accept him dengan seadanya, tapi alhamdulillah, mata aku sedap memandang.
Dan sejak itu, we have nothing more to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about, and we both know we can count on each other for whatever reason. Oleh sebab itu lah, our love berputik mekar...Wahahah...geli tak baca?
Just because we've only met in person last year (when he came to Malaysia), people always assume yang our relationship cuma "cinta monyet", yang he really doesn't love me, yang we would never go far, yang we've only known each other for a small amount of time.
Yes true, we've only been together (physically) for less than a year kalau kira both of our visits to both countries. But did you know that we've been together for 8 years (albeit virtual)? During the first 7 years, since we couldn't go out on a proper date, all we did was talk. And we talked (and still do) for every minute for everyday. Celik mata sampai tutup mata.
We connect on a HIGHER level than the rest of these couples around my age do. So who are YOU to judge that my relationship is bogus? How would you justify his 'ungenuine' love when he's been THERE FOR ME for every goddamn second for 8 goddamn years? IF he was just playing me, why would he waste his time THAT long for someone who's just OVER THE INTERNET? He could have gotten a vajayjay somewhere closer to his house.
I'm sorry, I'm just tired of hearing people saying shit like that just because we met in an unorthodox way. He is by far the most honest man I've known. Apa kau ingat orang yang kau jumpa in real life tepi club tu jujur sangat?
So yeah. That's my love story. 7 years of being apart from each other (including the 2-faceless-years), never been on a proper date, never seen each other in person, never touched, never being in the same room physically. 7 years together virtually. 7 years of long distance relationship. And he finally came to see me end of last year (and I visited him this year).
And oh, our first REAL date was at A&W Subang Jaya.
So who says LDR doesn't actually work? If you've met the right person, nothing can be a factor.
Anyway, since the 12th of Dec hari tu was Don's 25th birthday, I'm going to dedicate this whole post for him...walaupon dia takkan paham apa aku merepek atas tadi kan..hahahaha.
Don W. Miller II, from the first year I've seen him until now..*insert cheesy romantic music*
HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY SAYANG! I LAP U!