Rage. So much rage.

Hi.

I have lots of shit in my mind now, I figured I might as well type it out before I get crazy.

Eh, memang dah crazy pun. Too late.

KAH KAH KAH.

Anyway,

ONE
You don't have to tell me that my family misses me like crazy, or my cat cries during her sleep, or my grandma sobs whenever she cooks my favorite dish.

Stop. Just stop.


You're not helping the situation. Unless if you want to buy me 2 return tickets and still pay for my salary for the duration that I'll be gone, then I'm down.

But if not, then wtf is your point???

Also, I will only accept USD. MYR has little to no value over here.

Look I get it, they miss me. I miss them terribly too, but you don't have to flaunt it like YOOW MAMMA MISSES YOW LIK CRAYCRAY

I fucking know.

It annoys the shit outta me when people ask me when I'm going back to see my family, as if I have miraculously forgotten about them, as if they don't fucking exist anymore.
It's even more annoying when you keep on nagging that someone in my family misses me blah blah like what the heck are you trying to say here? That I don't miss them too? That I purposely do not want to go back to see them?

I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY
NO FUCKING VACATION TIME
I just got a promotion I'm not about to take 3 weeks off.
I'm also in the process of buying a house so all $$$$$$$$$$ goes into that fund.

Again, bitching behind my back about me not wanting to see my family does you no good.

I WILL VISIT MY FAMILY WHEN TIME PERMITS. So STFU.


TWO
[fuck. I typed this long winded essay about work TWICE, and had to delete them]

[because I'm refraining myself from talking about work here]

[also just know that I've only been in the company for less than a year, and already received a promotion]

[bear in mind that with that promotion, it lets me skip 2 (possibly 3) positions at one go]

Also, to survive over here, you'd have to be assertive. You cannot bring your Asian ala-takperlah-segan-lah mentality over here or you will be stepped over and over again.

You have to be strong, lobby the shit outta yourself, and be fucking extra at everything that you do. Make your effort recognized. Have no shame. Raise your hand. Speak up. Give opinions. Ask questions regardless of how bodoh you may sound. Volunteer to lead. Take responsibility if you fuck up. Take the initiative to improve yourself. Don't be lazy. Take no shit from people if they throw you shit.

Oh that reminds me of a story. Someone was spewing shit story about how I refused to help out blah blah.

The fuck? I didn't receive any notification nor any email about that, so I had to clue.

I had to clear my name out. I went to the manager explaining my situation.

I will not take any shit being thrown at me.  I will own up my own mistakes.


THREE
I no longer consider Malaysia my home.

Stop saying I should go home.

Home is where I make it. And I'm making my home here.

I hate Malaysia's politics, I hate US' politics too.
But I especially hate Malaysia's politics.

I also hate how racist and double standard Malaysians are.
If you follow me on FB, then you'd know how deeply invested I am on certain topics.
I'm not going to reiterate them here.
My fingers are getting tired.


FOUR
I have no shame to admit that I'm beginning to forget certain words in BM. Most of the times its one of those bahasa pasar/bahasa rempit. I'd sometimes find myself using google translate.

To my defense, I hardly speak BM anymore. Who am I going to speak BM with?? Don only knows 3% of the language (best case). I have no Malaysian friends here. I hardly speak BM on my FB anymore (to appease my husband and his side of the family).

Also, don't fucking tell me that I've "forgotten my roots". As far as I know "cuwiee" or "bezs" are not in the fucking dictionary.




FIVE
I'm starving.

Rasa nak goreng ayam pulak. Makan dengan kicap ABC dan cili padi.

Ok bai.

Also, I have no cili padi here.
Jalapeno dan habenero berlambak lah.