I have accepted the fact that I have to deal with constant stares dari strangers no matter where I go. Chewah, dengar macam ayat berlagak, but trust me, ini bukan kes nak berlagak ke apa, cause I definitely KNOW why they stare.
I know it's not my kejelitaan nor my super model physique (batuk batuk), but instead, it's my RACE.
People over here kan berlagak AMERIKA NAMBER WAN but secara realitinya, majority of the masyarakat sini pon sekolah pon tak habis kan. They've never been OUTSIDE of their own country, sebab tu they have nothing to compare with. Balik balik Amerika. Balik balik Amerika.
Sebab tu bila aku cakap I'm from Malaysia, standard reply is "You speak Tagalog then?"
But if I don't say anything, they'd speculate that I'm from Mexico, pastu nak prektis cakap (possibly broken) Spanish that they learned in middle school.
Hari tu I met a bunch of Vietnamese people yg dah tinggal sini half of their lives, asked me "how come you can speak English fluently considering you've only been here for a couple of months?" (gramatically corrected here).
Kalau boleh nak je aku cakap "how come you cannot speak English fluently if you've been living here for half of your life?"
Tapi di sebabkan mereka tanya dengan baik dan jujur, tak der la aku nak mengeji pulak kan.
But seriously lah, I noticed ramai je Asians/Spanish yang migrated here (or born, I dunno lah) English masih lemah. Why ah? Bukan English is a worldwide language ke? Lain lah kalau main language kat sini Afrikaan (eh, tetiba afrikaan kan).
Ok sebenarnya aku dah tersasar hala tuju, I wanted to write cerita lain, tapi jadi cerita lain haha.
Anywayyy, I know they stare at me possibly thinking "PIPOL LOOK. A SPANISH LADY WIF A WHITE MAN LOLZ".
I live in a redneck state, so population untuk Spanish adalah sangat nipis, kalau ada pon, most of them are criminals.
I've got jelingan hebat daripada younger girls (teenages kah kah kah). I dunno lah diorg meluat because I'm with a white man (their race) ataupon mereka dengki tengok tetek aku.
Of couse lah Don akan menegakkan benang yang basah cakap they're not looking at me, but they're staring at him because he's so good looking people can't take their eyes off him.
Oh tolong lah. Bernanah telinga dengar ayat tu.
Kah kah kah!
Bukan sahaja kat sini I've got those deadly stares, kat Malaysia lagi teruk. Those people would actually jeling at you and sorok muka sambil kutuk dengan suara kuat. Kalau nak kutuk tolong lah perlahankan sikit suara tu. Kalau nak kutuk sampai anak tekak terkeluar, might as well just come up to me and SAY IT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
Boleh dapat tempeleng free sekali.
I've been called "perempuan tak sedar diri" by mat rempit yang duduk tepi jalan wasting his life away.
I've been called "perempuan macam ni lah yang merosakkan bangsa Melayu" by mat rempit yang possibly ada bohsia keliling pingang dan bermandikan liquor kenkonon nak berlagak 'western'.
I've been called "perempuan perasan lawa" because I'm not pretty dan gemok by skanky girls yang berpakaian macam Britney Spears tapi muka Jawa.
Ada aku terlompat lompat jerit I AM SO AWESOME I AM SUPERIOR BECAUSE MY BF IS WHITE?
Ada aku jeling kat your partner dengan muka HAHA KAU DAPAT LAKI JAWA?
I don't talk shit about you why must you talk shit about me?
Just because I've settled for a different race doesn't mean that I've been running away from men yang berbangsa Melayu ni. It's just LELAKI MELAYU TANAK AKU.
They want Gisele Bundchen.
They want Adriana Lima.
They want Jessica Alba.
Ada pernah dengar diorg cakap "WOW QUEEN LATIFAH IS HOTNESS".
They want something beyond their tahap. Potential candidate depan mata buat buat tak nampak because I'm huge, brown and short.
And those mat rempits fucking KNW this is true, still had the guts to say those shit to me? Adakah mereka dengki sebab tak dapat minah salleh/Brazilian (Bundchen, Lima, Alba) sebab tu this fat, stubby brown girl can't possibly has a bf?
For them, having a man that loves me, cares for me, sees me beautiful is something beyond my grasp.
Aku ni hodoh sangat ke.
It hurts them too much to see me happy.
I HAVE been attracted to local men, it's not like lahir-lahir je terus cakap "SCREW YOU MALAY MEN, I'M GOING FOR THE BIG BOYS"
Dah diorg rejek saya, takkan nak terhegeh-hegeh lagi?
True that I don't have much experience with local men, so it's not fair lah kalau aku cakap all Malay men pentingkan paras rupa. I know some are very the baik oneeee, very the gentleman oneee. So silalah jangan butthurt sangat.
Tapi dah jodoh saya dengan dia, what to do. (Wah, dah jodoh jodoh, kawen pon belum..haha!)
Ok nak main The Sims 3.