I know I've been lacking in the drawing department. Malas lah nak lukis. Walaupon lah lukisan macam tahi kerbau.
I know I haven't been updating about how I *truly* feel.
Because I know people only want to see pictures, or read comics. Lite lite reading je. I know cause I'm liddat oso.
But this is still a blog, di mana I luahkan isi hati jantung hempedu. I have no where to mengadu.
I don't need to mengadu pon, I just need somewhere I could vent.
I'm very tired.
The truth is, I'm tired of carving a smile every time someone mentions LDR. I know I know, I've been in one for ages, I should be a professional LDR practitioner or something.
I give out advices on LDR all the time, but how often do people walk the talk?
I've tried, I'm trying and I will try to stay upbeat on everything, stay positive on life, tapi.......
They say time will heal. Cliche benor, idok nye heal heal pon.
Lagi sakit ada lah.
My heart is slowly breaking. Knowing that we're still half across the world from each other. Even after 10 years....
Selalunya kalau dah 10 tahun dalam relationship, orang dah beranak pinak anak 9 dah. Setiap tahun process sorang anak... haha.
Aku ni, still struggling in settling my life.
I want to buy a house, I want to buy my own car, I want to start a family, tapi I can't.
I'm putting my life on halt, for 10 years.
I've received countless of comments, cakap "tu la, tak de orang Melayu/Malaysia dah ke" "sapa suruh cari jauh jauh", etc.
We fell in love.
I don't know how it happened, it just did.
He could have been living anywhere, and I'd still have fallen in love with him.
It's just an unfortunate thing that he lives across the world.
People have doubted our relationship.
Even my own family members.
It hurts to think that my own blood pon pernah fikir we wouldn't last.
At times like this lah I need your support.
Tapi alhamdulillah, they've finally realized that he's not going anywhere.
But there are times when they jokingly want to play cupid, matchmaking me with some random dude, yang usually anak kepada kawan diorg or something.
I know lah they're only joking, so I'd usually laugh along and say no.
But do they know that deep inside, my heart is breaking, knowing that my family subtlety still thinks that he's not good for me? Walaupon lah it's just a joke....it still shows that there's that slightest bit of doubt still exists.
Maybelah because it seems that he's not here for me, where in fact, dia lah orang yang pertama who wishes me good morning, and the last person who wishes me good night.
But diorg tak nampak tu.
They can only see what's being shown in front of them.
.....the non-existence of his physical being.
Tapi tak pe la, I know they mean well, they don't want me to be left heartbroken if things doesn't work out.
If he wants to walk out on me, he would have done that 10 years ago.
Tapi tak tau la jugak kan, kot kot dia sengaja tunggu sampai 10 tahun semata mata nak dump me, point and laugh at me while saying "HAHA BITCH I'VE PLAYED YOU ALL ALONG".
Itu bukan manusia dah, itu kejam tahap datuk setan. Haha
haha ok lawak tak lawak di kala hati duka.
Anyway, point nya, aku tengah berhati kaca sekarang ni. Rasa nak mengobak kat dlm opis ni, tapi nanti hilang lah macho ai kan...haha.
Selalunya, aku je yang kasi tips untuk survive LDR kan, tapi this time, I'm asking to you my fellow friends, do you know how to mend a broken heart?