Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Don... Y U SO FAR?!?! (entry panjang berjela, dan tak de gambar. Kalau tanak baca, tak payah la klik)

I know I've been lacking in the drawing department. Malas lah nak lukis. Walaupon lah lukisan macam tahi kerbau.

I know I haven't been updating about how I *truly* feel.
Because I know people only want to see pictures, or read comics. Lite lite reading je. I know cause I'm liddat oso.

But this is still a blog, di mana I luahkan isi hati jantung hempedu. I have no where to mengadu.
I don't need to mengadu pon, I just need somewhere I could vent.

Sigh.

I'm very tired. 

The truth is, I'm tired of carving a smile every time someone mentions LDR. I know I know, I've been in one for ages, I should be a professional LDR practitioner or something.

I give out advices on LDR all the time, but how often do people walk the talk?

I've tried, I'm trying and I will try to stay upbeat on everything, stay positive on life, tapi.......

They say time will heal. Cliche benor, idok nye heal heal pon.
Lagi sakit ada lah.

My heart is slowly breaking. Knowing that we're still half across the world from each other. Even after 10 years....

Selalunya kalau dah 10 tahun dalam relationship, orang dah beranak pinak anak 9 dah. Setiap tahun process sorang anak... haha.
Aku ni, still struggling in settling my life.

I want to buy a house, I want to buy my own car, I want to start a family, tapi I can't.
Not here.
Not yet.

I'm putting my life on halt, for 10 years.

I've received countless of comments, cakap "tu la, tak de orang Melayu/Malaysia dah ke" "sapa suruh cari jauh jauh", etc.

We fell in love.

I don't know how it happened, it just did.
He could have been living anywhere, and I'd still have fallen in love with him.
It's just an unfortunate thing that he lives across the world.

:(

People have doubted our relationship.
Even my own family members.

It hurts to think that my own blood pon pernah fikir we wouldn't last.
At times like this lah I need your support.

Tapi alhamdulillah, they've finally realized that he's not going anywhere.

But there are times when they jokingly want to play cupid, matchmaking me with some random dude, yang usually anak kepada kawan diorg or something.

I know lah they're only joking, so I'd usually laugh along and say no.
But do they know that deep inside, my heart is breaking, knowing that my family subtlety still thinks that he's not good for me? Walaupon lah it's just a joke....it still shows that there's that slightest bit of doubt still exists.

Maybelah because it seems that he's not here for me, where in fact, dia lah orang yang pertama who wishes me good morning, and the last person who wishes me good night.

But diorg tak nampak tu.
They can only see what's being shown in front of them.
.....the non-existence of his physical being.

Tapi tak pe la, I know they mean well, they don't want me to be left heartbroken if things doesn't work out.

If he wants to walk out on me, he would have done that 10 years ago.

Tapi tak tau la jugak kan, kot kot dia sengaja tunggu sampai 10 tahun semata mata nak dump me, point and laugh at me while saying "HAHA BITCH I'VE PLAYED YOU ALL ALONG".

Itu bukan manusia dah, itu kejam tahap datuk setan. Haha

haha ok lawak tak lawak di kala hati duka.

Anyway, point nya, aku tengah berhati kaca sekarang ni. Rasa nak mengobak kat dlm opis ni, tapi nanti hilang lah macho ai kan...haha.


Selalunya, aku je yang kasi tips untuk survive LDR kan, tapi this time, I'm asking to you my fellow friends, do you know how to mend a broken heart?

12 comments:

  1. Beb, aku takde cure for that kind if pain, what more to advise you. Aku yang duduk cuma 20min away pun merasai azab rindu *gediksss ayat mintak lempang haha*.

    aku rasa this thing happen sebab kita dah grow tired of being apart, and we miss the sweet moments bila bersama tu. the so much fun moment. To yang aku gatal nak berlaki skang hahahaha. He's more than just a boyfren.

    Kau jangan depress k nanti jerawat keluaq no no no tak cun ahhh haha. People can say whatever they like but the true feelings belong to u n him. I bet u have all the support u need from ur readers so keep it strong and show us love is unique blerrrgghhh sakan pulak komen aku haha.

    All the best beb! May this year will bring u more happiness~

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  2. idk alia.

    Ive nvr been in love. :(

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  3. Hi Kak Alia,

    Rasa manis je panggil u Akak *haha. Currently saya pon dlm LDR jgk, tapi kedah kelantan saje, tapi sedikit sebanyak, I know how it feel. I think u should be happy and bersyukur sebab akak ada dia yang appreciate u the most.

    About those people around u yang only do the talking, tapi never know and never experience what u've been through, just ignore them. cliche but it works for me though :)

    Stay stronger and i know u will get what u want in this year. i love ur love story, it's so sweet like gula-gula caramel :)

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  4. jwpn aku... just be awesome like now.. gelak je...

    aku sejak kenal, couple and now kawen suma jarak jauh... dia kt swk aku kt jb... aku jumpa dia like 4 times a year ms couple... and now up grade jd 10 kali sethn... tu pon jumpa 3 hari je sbb direct flight xde hari2..

    some ppl even think that aku ni bini no 2 sbb laki aku jrg blk... hahahaha... (ok x kelakar japgi aku buat siasatan)..


    yup... aku pon rs apa ko rs bila family buat jokes yg mcm impliedly kata "tolong lah cr org dekat2 je".. aku cuma jawab sambil gelak "xnak lah... dh byk kali couple dgn org satu negeri suma buat taik".. then diaorg diam n terima MR seadanya n terima kenyataan yg MR mampu jaga aku walaupun aku jauh... now diaorg plak back up aku bila ada suara2 sumbang yg berbunyik...

    so aku yakin, diaorg nk ko bahagia... and lepas ko kawen diaorg akan team ko plak... sabo ye..

    10 thn dh berjuang... lg sikit je b4 nak kawen kan... ape ada hal... chill... yamsengggggg...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Utk yg ni aku x dapek plak nk tepek "...been there; done dat, sementelah(?) aku pon xde experience LDR ni (skali bc tdi aku DSLR, hantu btol!)

    Part "1st good morning last good nite" tu mmg buat aku tetibe sayu.

    10thn mmg mcm2 bleh jadi. Pokok durian klu ko tanam dri tinggi pinggang ko pon aku syak dh berbuah sulung dh by now. (motip tetibe bgi cth 'tinggi pinggang ko'? Hihi.

    Ko amek je cth keliling. Org yg kawen 10thn pon ada yg bcerai. Lpas tu down. Korang plak berjaya harungi suka duka (i guess more happy2 than sedih2) spnjg 10thn ni. Syukur part yg tuh.

    Apa salahnya tggu 10 thn or more utk sumthing yg more promising, like forever?

    Aja aja fighting alia dear. Kawen jgn lupe jemput. Aku bleh hadiahkan korang telo pindang ngan pahar2 pelamin skali. Heh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Uhh... Mmg sifu laaaahhh... Lebey 10 tahun... Currently aii pon LDR juge... United Kingdom ngan Penang. Haha... Since 1998... I was form 1, tapi relationship adik abang je lah... Cuma start taon lepas je dah jadi lain macam sikit...

    Perit mmg perit... Tapi kitorang jenis hepi je camtu. Cuma kdg2 tu bile rindu... Apa lagi, facetime tak kira masa. Cuma, aku tak mcm ko... Tgk gamba dlm entry sebelum ni cam rajin je korg jumpe2... Aku ni since kenal dia 1998 dulu sampai skang, baru 2x je jumpa... Hahaha kau boleh blah perangai manusia jenis payah nak kuar spend time sesama cam aku...

    Sebelum dia, bkn aku tak penah couple ngan org2 berhampiran... Tapi apsal tah aku ni pesen lagi jauh, jarang jumpe, lagi aku suka. Cam saiko gila pon ada... Pastu abaikan ape je org cakap. Dorang mana tau ape kite rasa, ape kite alami sepanjang LDR nih...

    Alangkan dok dekat2 jumpe selalu pon pas kawen boley cerai... Haha tah, aku suka kot thrill2 jejauh ni... Hehehe... Sebab aku pon sebenarnye bz jugak manjang... Dier pon bz... Sama2 bz...

    Macam ko jugak, aku pon sibuk nak kumpul harta sendiri in case jadi apape kan... Cuma satu je...

    Pedulikkan ape org nak cakap... Tak gune duit dorg pon LDR ni... Pesal bzbody sangat tah. Aku kdg2 yg rajin nak kenen2 ni tahap2 mak2 sedara... Sbb mak ayah dah takde kan... Aku pon tak paham kat mana dorg sakit sangat tgk aku single dalam negara ni...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know exactly how you feel Alia! I'm in the same situation too. Seorang sini, seorang kat Venice, Italy. Mmg org akan perli and make fun of us. What I did? Pekakkan telinga saje. I don't really care what others think. And paling menyakitkn bila diorg x percayakn dia. Ckp he's just playing around. Bullshit. I know him well. Be strong Alia!!!

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  8. Sob....sob....sedih pulak... :-(

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  9. hye alia, its been ages since i log in to my blog and reading back my blog list. wehooo. Miss your thoughts alots! Anyway, Allah have the greatest love letters you know. :). Read it, InsyaAllah, slowly its curing :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. i guess there's no specific cure for the 'miss'ing syndrome. you can only distract it.. by making yourself busy.. doing happy things like singing and stuff. and use technology to the max to 'see' each other (like what you already do!) *wink*

    i've been in LDR for few months and i've taken most of my cuti to get on a plane to see him. finally now he moves in here. thankfully. i hope the same thing will happen to you both, someday :)

    i guess your family still showed that doubtful responses prolly because they want to see you happy.. like after 10 sweet years they want it to be certain (like may be an engagement or something. biasa la org2 tua ni selalu fikir macam tu haha).

    i pray for the best of your happiness in the future. may this relationship leads to a sweet someday :) cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Babe!!! i know how u feel "not in the LDR" la kan but in the relationship.

    i ngan Mie dulu walaupun duduk like 30mins away but xle jumpa slalu coz my mum not keen on him.

    walaupun dah 3yrs couple my mum still pujuk2 i pergi jumpa anak anak kawan2 dia bagai. siap ada orang call my mum depan I and cakap kakak dia berkenan ngan i nak i kenal ngan anak dia "like hello anak ko xde telur ke nak cari gf sendiri. like watafak kan?"

    then infront of me my mum cakap x tau if i ada bf ke belum. and i was like watafak man! then she told me senyum2 that this guy call sebab his sis nak sangat i kenal ngan anak dia and i told him straight "suruh la abang pergi" (my brother coz she really keen on my bro nye gf) and she say "eh anak dia lelaki" and i say " ye la if anak dia perempuan asal x suruh abang pergi? asal time anak laki nak suruh i pergi" and i took my staff and get out from the office

    then my mum call the uncle back say that "actually she had a boyfriend and so forth" gila tak? i was soo pissed off.

    well. what ever it is sometime i feel until today my mum not keen of my husband walaupun dah kawin so he keep a distance from my family. its like he only married me and not the family

    saiko kan cerita i?

    how to mend ??? babe just buat bodo. i do that. sometime mmg nangis gak la sedu sedan but u know what best for u maybe other ppl dont see it that way even ur parent. u know who u are and u know who he is. u know he will love u endlessly and he can take care of u. dah cukup untuk u. i mean at the end of the day we want the marriage to last long kan?

    my mum pernah mcm pujuk2 i jumpa her friend nye son and i say "OK.boleh. if kawin seminggu i mintak cerai u jangan malu la"

    so, think back if let say la u di match make and get married. do u think it will last long? u been in this relationship for 10 years already and its nearly the end of it with marriage. keep up and stay strong! coz time nie la lagi kuat dugaan dia babe. like seriously!! :)

    ReplyDelete


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