Chivalry.

I think I'm gonna write about a serious topic this morning, considering that this is my blog, and I can do anything.

Muahahahaha.

Ok rasa nak sepak tak.

Anyway, on my way to work this morning, I was stuck in a bad traffic somewhere in Subang (eh, hari hari pun memang stuck in traffic), and there was a bus on my right side of the car. It wasn't full-house, maybe sebab it was 6:40 in the morning kot, but enough people to fill the seats. And I saw a couple of people yang terpaksa berdiri.

And most of them are women.

And most of the seated passengers are men.

And this just hits me. Why Malaysian men ni tak beberapa nak gentlemen? I mean how hard is it for them to offer their seats to these poor women?

Come to think about it,

How hard is it for them to hold the door for you when they can clearly see you have your hands full?

How hard is it for them to offer themselves to carry your heavy boxes/luggages/anything when they can clearly see you're having a hard time lifting them up?

I don't think it'll do you any harm if you could just ask whether we need some help or not.

Tapi ada lagi jantan yang disgusting, some even DENIED when we asked for help.

I don't get it.
Susah sangat ke nak derma kederat tu?

Oklah, it's not fair for me to generalize ALL Malaysian men are like that. It's MOST ASIAN men. I've seen this and experienced it first hand during my visits to all Asian countries that I've visited.

It's also not fair for me to generalize that all western men are chivalrous. Ada jugak yang macam tahi. But most western men that *I* know/met aren't like that.

I remember Don offered his seat when we were on a KTM komuter to an older lady who was NOT standing in front of him (she was standing in front of another man whom looked like he wasn't gonna give his seat away). Oklah, he could have just trying to impress me but still, that's not my point.

There was also another friend of mine who came to Malaysia for the first time, and we were on a KTM komuter as well (lol, aku tak suka drive pergi KL) and he had to do the same thing. Well this guy I know for sure that he wasn't trying to impress me because we've been friends since we were both in high school. Tapi yang paling bombastik when he asked why men over here are so selfish?

Terkedu kejap.

All I could reply was, because they weren't brought up to be such gentlemen.

I could be wrong, their parents could have done a wonderful job in raising them to respect women, it could have just been the environment that pushed them to be like this. It's a competitive world, we only need to care for ourselves.

Right?


Anyway, if you're a guy and you think I'm just writing such a bullshit story, please do comment. I'd love to hear your side of the story. I'm sorry if this post sounds like I'm attacking you, but I'm not. I'm just trying to understand WHY.

And thank you for reading. LOLOL


Alia over and out.




This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 15, 2013 and is filed under ,. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

21 Responses to “Chivalry. ”

Nj said...

you got it right baby!

kebanyakan mereka mcm tu. sorrylah kalo diorang nak offer seat even tgk kita ni penuh ngan bag shopping ke apa. memang statik je diorang duduk tak gerak-gerak.

tapi, few of us pon kadang-kadang liat jugak nak offer seat kat org tua n makcik-makcik yg nampak sgt tgh penat gila.

hurm.

kerie said...

usually it's not malaysian men pon sebenarnya, mostly yg riding the bus are non-malaysians, hence that. i knew because i used to ride bus to work (many many many many years ago until one beautiful day aku dah tak tahan sebab bas tu penuh dengan paktam-paktam yg hobi mereka menghimpit aku everytime bas amek kornar. neraka betul. aku tau la aku ohsem).

*clear throat* anyway i'm not saying all malaysian men are gentle, because some of them are actually douches pon.

my point is, there are bad apples, but there are also some good apples, too. you just havent meet the good apples yet.

me said...

so truee. when i was in US, american memang so gentleman no matter who u are, even u never see each other's face, they still hold the door for you and sometimes even wait for you. kalau dekat malaysia pintu lif pon kalau boleh the guys nak tutup cepat2, padahal hold button je kot? so selfish

violetless said...

ok alia. i must totally agree with u on this matter. and aku kan secara totalnya tak la menyokong sangat kesamarataan gender. when man can do woman stuff and vice versa. but when it comes for being gentleman, please lah laki, ampa lagi banyak kederat dari kami2 yang pompuan ni kot.

and the most sickening thing yang aku nengok kan, orang pregnant berdiri depan hang pon buleh buat derk and tidoq somemore. ish geram aku.

haha. ok randomly berletiaq.

Aujinz said...

nasib baik bukan aku...
dah lama tak naik bas, tapi kalau naik tren, aku lebih rela berdiri... takde hal punye..

aku pernah bangun offer seat ke aci tua, tapi aci tue tolak cara baik, alih alih ada mamat Bangla yang duduk sambil sengih sengih. Kalau awek, takpe laa jugak..koff ~

mungkin yang jenis tak nak offer seat tue diorang tak tahu nak offer ke sape..

Anonymous said...

from my observation it has got something to do with how asians/we are being brought up..
For instance how some mums treat the male members of the family; the boys don't have to wash their dishes but the girls are being expected to cook and clean.. so these boys will think that women are in service for them, indirectly teaching them to disrespect women(ok ini hiperbola but you get it kan). My 2 cents lah.

Wan said...

kebanyakan lelaki malaysia yg naik public transport mmg selfish. bukan stakat bas.. ERL pon sama

Adi Solikin said...

setuju dgn anon 1:27pm

Vulgarian said...

Eherrmm. Aku nk bg sepatah dua kata gak la. But it may cause some stirring gak la kot hahaha. Yela, isu gender ni dah lama sensitif among us.

I have to agree to what u mentioned, but on the other hand, we cant totally blame men for being douchebags. Kita perempuan suka marah, suka laungkan hak wanita mesti sama rata dengan lelaki etc. up to one point, perhaps the men pun rasa as if y not women are treated like men. Women kan nak di treat sama rata mcm lelaki... *sarcasm inserted*

If men are called douchebags, bitches are for women. They are everywhere haha. I personally think its not the gender issue anymore, but more of attitude of malaysians. Pernah jadi dpn mata ladies wouldnt give up her seats to elderly.

Sorry dear if aku cakap merepek. Thats just my two cents.

kupu-kupu biasa said...

To lelaki malaysia aku x cukup cun utk dibantu.. So aku mcm senah gila berembet bwk file gi meeting... Dak laki cuma tlg tgk n sengih... Cuba klu aku slim, berebut2 nk bantu agaknya... Yes, mereka hmya bantu yg lawa dimata mereka je... Mereka xtau sesungguhnya aku baik hati.. Eh? Hahahahaha... Ok bai.. (ok fine ni bkn pasal public transport tp applicable gak kot aku rs)

Azurin Rahim said...

Hahaha commented on the wrong post so terpaksa delete and repost here ;p

Sadly, I don't think courtesy is something that is well taught here. I've seen too many parents showing the wrong examples to their children. Eg: A bunch of us are waiting for the lift, the doors open and instead of waiting for the people inside to come out first, some parents hurriedly usher their kids in, leaving the people who intend to come out stuck inside the elevator.
Semua sebab nak cepat punya pasal. Kitorang yang sampai dulu (siap dengan stroller apasemua) ni terpinga2 sebab nak kasi orang dalam keluar dulu, last2 we had to wait for the next one sebab everyone else berpusu2 masuk. So rude.

Anonymous said...

culture dorang kot yang buat dorang gentlemen daripada lelaki malaysia ni.

macam saya hari tu,dalam erl , ada dua orang foreigner offer nak tolong angkat kan beg,walaupun saya tak mintak tolong lagi.

dorang nampak je terus tolong without hesitate. and it is true, malay guys especially, love to help those beautiful girls only.

whitelilies island said...

alia,

terpanggil nak taip ^_^

last year aku naik bas pergi kerja dr shah alam ke bangsar.. aku perhati, kebanyakan lelaki adalah "bkn msians" yg naik bas tu.. diorang memang sangat selfish.. kdg2 rs sedih sebab orang luar might get it wrong about us.. sebab the selfish men really look like msians.. u got what i mean right.. ekeke..

tp memang ade jugak la msians yg selfish jugak.. i can't deny it.. but i would say my frens yg bkn melayu lebih gentlemen dari yg melayu..

there i said it.. ekeke

Syahmi said...

disebabkan aku selalu naik lrt, aku pun setuju dengan whitelilies island. mostly yang aku nampak tak bagi seat tu adalah lelaki asing.

but most of the time bila aku bagi seat kat perempuan, diorang hesitate nak ambil tempat tu because that one row are majorly seated by men. so dia segan. so tempat tu kosong. so termalu aku di situ.

Sekian.

Pencinta Wanita

Uncle Lee said...

Hi, oooops! I think I replied into your previous posting in error, tak nampak your comment at the top here.
Lee.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I agree with you. Not to say all Malaysian/Asian man are like that, but most of them are.

Yang lagi sedeh adalah apabila, a guy thinks that helping a lady would mean he is attracted to that lady. So, jadiknya dia taklah akan help that lady sbb nanti dia akan dicop oleh kawan2x nya yg dia suka that lady. Dan dia pun tak akan tolong that lady sbb dia takut akan that lady would think that he likes her. So, akhirnya, takkan tolong lah.... just to play safe. Despite dia ada perasaan kesian tu.

Hehe, sorry terpanjang pulak.

Me, roger and out.

Anonymous said...

alia, jantan malaysian memang camtu. penah sekali i turun jejantas kat ktm, barang i banyak gila nak mam sampai kena dukung semua. of course la i tak mintak tolong orang, but guess sape yang offer diri nak angkut barang i? *bagi efek sedut nafas di sini* AN. ITALIAN. LADY. ye jantan malaysia, kalau orang yang takde kaitan dengan malaysia pun boleh concern dgn rakyat negara ni, tidakkah anda terasa ingin buat pembedahan di thailand sinun? *larikss*

LElaki said...

i am agree with vulgarian.

apsal wanita still nak dibuka pintu, nak di offer tempat duduk sedangkan dorang selalu bising nak berdiri sama tinggi duduk sama rendah dengan lelaki. apa lelaki buat wanita pun boleh buat. so, time2 begini pandai pula buat2 lemah nak minta tolong lelaki supaya bagi laluan. pastu nanti diala paling lantang memperjuangkan hak kesamarataan antara wanita dan lelaki. so, made up your mind, women!

T said...

To those who questions women's right, please note that women's right's is about equal opportunity and the same playing field, which currently is very uneven. A lot of women are being sidelined and not given the opportunity to rise the rank because they are assumed to be too emotional/sentimental, or less ambitious because they care about their kids, or even not up to par because (gulp) of their biology that allow them to have kids. To level the playing field we need to create a climate where women can compete equally, and not being taken advantage of.

How does this tie to this post? I actually don't care if no one gives up their sit for me since I am fairly capable of standing in a public transit. That's the where I differ with the author. However, I agree with her sentiment. I've seen a lot of cases where pregnant women were left standing in a pack public transit because no one would give up their sweet-ass seat. Seen that happened to old people too. Why didn't I give up mine? because I was standing too. I would add that it' is also helpful to give up seats to parents with little kids. They have more tiring day then me. Well that's just me.

As for holding the door, I just think it's a nice gesture, regardless of the gender. I always hold the door to men or women. Maybe it's just me again. I fail to understand why holding the door is such an issue with people. Unless, you are really in a rush (which I doubt knowing Malaysian culture), it doesn't take more than a couple minute of your time. And of course, if someone did that, please say "thank you" to the person. Otherwise, that's just rude.

Anonymous said...

ade je laki yang bagi. kot. sebab aku tak pernah dioffer tempat untuk duduk oleh lelaki. MUAHAHAHAHA. Diaoang offer kat pempuan hot lawa dan kuwus. cibais rasa terhina taw titew

-atiQah- said...

Hi..sy pun tau blog alia dari forum cari. Memang selalu baca cari terutama kat thread personal problems. Hehe. Btw, dlm forum cari blog alia disebut2 sebagai blog yg best. Ramai yg puji blog alia. Mmg ada sstgh blogger yg dikutuk sbb menipu, mcm kes arianna dan ada sorang blogger yg jual on9 tapi tipu..tapi alia mmg clean. Saya rasa mmg takde sorang pun kutuk2 alia dlm forum tu. :)

Dah mula jatuh cinta dgn blog alia. Keep up the good work!

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