It was bonding time as well as preparing ourselves for Vegas trip (hey, kami ini perempuan, preparations must made a month AHEAD of time).
I've made some $51 disaster for the shopping event, but the pedi/mani/eyebrows were all mom. Terima kasih! Shopping aftermath will be updated later sebab sekarang saya tengah malas mau edit itu gambar.
But what I want to tell, is this story that I wrote, 4 years ago (treasure di zaman silam woo). I know some of you sudah baca (dan muak!), but since I deleted my old blog, I'm gonna paste the whole short story here, sebagai kotak memori.
Nak baca, baca, tanak baca, sudahh! Ptui! hahahah..tetiba nak ludah orang...
"It is rather quiet here.. "I think to myself.
"Probably because of the wind.."as I continue to have this conversation with myself.
The wind is blowing harder and harder every minute. Usually there would be news helicopters seeking opportunities for their news coverage perpetually, but today, is different. It is windy and cold but I purposely choose to ignore the discomfort.
Here I am, all the way up on one of the tallest buildings, looking down with my sniper rifle aiming at one direction, waiting for my next command. I am merciless, brutal, repulsive, ruthless, I am an animal, I'm not me, and I am going to end Don's life.
I am full with hatred towards him. He means nothing to me. My loathe grows by every second, and the loathe grows to vengeance.
With an earplug neatly attached to my ear, I finally received my last command.
With my gun pointing directly at his chest, without mercy, I am about to pull the trigger...
Suddenly, I hear a voice in my head.
"Do you want to kill this man that you love?"
"Don't you love him anymore?"
"No, he is nothing!! Kill him!" I retaliate.
"Where is your great love towards him? Your great desire for him? Have you forgotten your promises?"
I stutter. I am sweating as these two sides of me continue to repel.
And in between those voices, I hear my boss's order
"SHOOT! SHOOT ALIA SHOOT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU IF YOU LET HIM GO! SHOOOOT!!!"
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!"I yell to 'those voices'.
I continue to focus on my primary mission....to kill him. And my imp side is winning. I look into the scope and I saw...
....my moments with him. My happy moments with him, full with laughters, smiles and cries. His voice echoes inside my head. I hear him says..."I love you Alia...".
I shake my head hoping to flush those sweet memories which somewhat to be an agony to me.
And it is gone. I, once again, look into the scope after being threatened by my boss. My own life is at stake!
I am determined. He is going to die, and not me.
And suddenly I see light. Bright white light. .........
I am no longer on top of the roof. No voices opposing each others. No screaming for actions.
Somewhat, I am relaxed, calmed...and happy. I am in a house. Looking and smiling at a little boy.
The boy is watching television. I rise up from my seat and go to him, kneeling besides him.
"Hey..why don't you play outside. It's a wonderful day y'know.."
The boy looks at me and says,
"But my daddy won't allow me to go outside.."
"He won't? Why? It's beautiful!"
"I dunno..he said it's too dangerous..."
Disappointed, I get up. I take a peek outside from the window pane. And smile. I gently pick the little boy up and carry him to the door. I open the door.....
...and it is so beautiful. The lawn is green, with little spots here and there covered with snow. It's spring. The birds are chirping, the clouds are still, the sky is in the brightest blue ever. The smell of grass. And I can hear splashes of water...might be the beach.
I put the little boy down onto the ground of snow.
He grabs a little snow with his palm,
"Yes, it's cold, this is snow, made from ice"
And I touch the grass with my bare hand,
"And this is grass. C'mon, touch it"
And he uses his hand to touch the grass...and he smiles at me.
I just sit there and watch him play with the snow. It was a glorious moment for me..I just don't know why. Who might this boy be? Why his parents won't allow him to go outside? What a silly little idea of keeping him away from the nature's beauty! I questioned myself.
While watching him play, suddenly, there was a crack sound from the door. Blood rushes away from my face.
"Oh my God..my boss..he found me! He's going to kill me and the boy!!!"
I grow panic. I don't have anywhere to run..nor to hide. All I can do is just hoping that God would help these poor little souls.
The door swings open. A man walks out. Looking at the boy.
I give a little scream,
I run towards him and hold him tight. As tight as I could.
And it all comes back to me, the house at the beach is my home, and the little boy is my son.
I am on top of the roof again. Holding my sniper rifle.
"KILL HIM OR I WILL KILL YOU!!" the voice of my boss's gradually reappears.
I have to choose, his life or mine. It's a death trap.
"ALIA SHOOT! PULL THE TRIGGER! SHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...And I lower my gun down.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! YOU DO KNOW WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE IF YOU DON'T SHOOT!!?! NOW KILL HIM!!!"
"......No. I love him."
And I woke up.
-- Dreamt on 1st Jan 2005, written on 2nd Jan, 2005.
Picture found by Wani on flickr. Sungguh kelakar! Old and rusty..agaknya itu sublime message yang Don ni mmg dah tua dan berkarat kot..haaha!
Gila cheesy mimpi aku....ahaha. Oh kalau ada grammar tunggang terbalik ke apa, sila ignore, I was 21 (chey mcm skrang dah expert dlm segi grammar la kann hahah).