Bukan sedih apa, sedih sebab tadi tengah compile gambar gambar lama, badan masih serupa walrus.
haha saikosis ke apa kau ni Alia.
Sendiri malas exercise, lagi mau bertakung air mata kan.
Actually what I'm feeling now is not really sedih lah, it's more...I dunno...nangis kesyukuran? Haha
I'm just really grateful that I found someone in my life that wants to spend his life with ME.
I've never thought that someone as dark as me, as fat as me, as ugly as me has a man that loves me for everything that I am. I know I shouldn't have put myself so low because he said I'm the most beautiful person he has ever seen.
But that's probably because he's biased. LOL
Of course la he think I'm pretty, I'm his wife!
But he taught me to love myself over all of these years.
And he gets really upset if I start talking bad about myself! Sampai aku yg stress sebab kena sound balik. haha
Don't get me wrong, I love myself now. I think I'm a strong woman, with a strong heart and a strong stomach (cause I could practically eat anything LOL).
But there are times where I'd look up on the mirror and I see this, fragile woman, whose heart has been broken up to pieces one too many times.
I've been rejected, called ugly and fat throughout all of my younger years.
People are mean.
And there's no way in hell I can make them happy.
There's always something wrong, or something incomplete with me.
Kalau aku single, oh that's because I'm fat and ugly.
Kalau aku dah kawen, oh that's because he's blind or a chubby chaser.
People talk shit when I'm single.
People still talk shit when I'm married.
I've had people telling me that they're glad that I'm married so I can "fix" my keturunan.
Like it's any of their concern on how ugly I am, or how my kids are gonna look like!
We are NOT related, so why so concern about "fixing" my keturunan?
How about YOU fix your own damn family tree first before opening your mouth
Sigh.
Tetiba ter emosi pulak.
Oh! Have I ever mention that I found my old crush/fling (I really don't know what to categorize him as cause he wasn't really a boyfriend, but like a boyfriend) on FB?
He was this guy whom I had a crush on, but never met in person.
I was friends with his brother and somehow he got into the picture.
We talked on the phone almost everyday and to be honest, never felt like we needed to meet up.
I didn't know he was such a douchebag in person cause his brother was the nicest human being I've met!
So when we first met, he immediately rejected me, obviously because I'm not up to his expectations.
He started ignoring my calls and texts, or had his friend telling me that he wasn't there, which was bullshit cause I could hear him, telling his friend that over the phone.
Anyway, he broke my heart so bad that I couldn't sleep or eat for weeks! I was so dumb to let him control my life! I lost ALL of my confidence (I had very little of it) and I didn't think I could recover from him. (dramatik habisss ni)
He didn't really tell me that I'm ugly or fat (for that I'll give him credits for) but rejecting me right AFTER we met is enough of an evidence of him saying/thinking that. As if all of those months (I think it was a year) of talking and laughing with each other didn't matter.
Anywaaay, back to my point, I saw his name on FB several weeks ago after raya and I've decided to add him!
I mean I'm obviously over him, and I figured we could actually try to be friends for real this time.
Making amends la kata kan.
I may look tough, but my heart is as soft as a cotton candy.
I may get mad easily, but I forgive easily as well.
I'm a nice person. So I don't know why people cannot be nice to me. :(
Oh turns out he's still not married
Guess I beat him for that one.
LOL.
Masih competitive! Please grow up Alia!
Anyway, I try not to get these little things get inside my head, but I'm only human.
Words sometimes get to me.
But it's okay, cause whenever I'm feeling ugly, I'll just go and hug my husband.
Cause he absolutely thinks I'm beautiful and his opinion is the only one that matters!
I love you Don Miller!
------------------------------------------------
The Underdog:
Silly Lady In Town
Relax...same thing happened to me and I don't really give a damn to those whom saying bad things to me as I know at the end of the day the one that spouting all negative things have something wrong with their brain.
ReplyDeleteKalau Allah cipta semua manusia cantik badan macam barbie, mesti bosan gila dunia ni. Jadi bersangka baik dengan Allah dan diri sendiri insyaAllah ada hikmah disebalik kejadian
(^-^)v
Haha mmg something wrong with their brain! Tak habis habis nak kutuk orang
Deletei want to tell u the truth...some people just mean...no matter ko gemuk...kurus...tinggi...pendek...they just mean and like bitching others...tak ada kena mengena sbb ko pendek and gemuk and hitam ke...kalo ko kurus putih tinggi mcm aku pon asyik kena condemn jugak...tinggi sgt lah...muka pucat sgt la...kurus sgt la...ada je tak kena...bila buncit sikit...mcm mengandung lah...kalau rajin exercise marah sbb pergi exercise...kata exercise gemuk lah...bila tak exercise...kata pemalas lah...at least ppl who said not so nice thing to u is outsider!!!lantak lah dorang nak ckp apa!!!i ni kena dgn family sendiri...ni tak kena...tu tak kena...
ReplyDeleteby the way...ni bukan perli ke apa...ikhlas i ckp...kalo ko nk pregnant ko kena kurangkn berat...sbb pmpn badan besar ssh nk conceive...
anyway utk org yg suka cerca2 alia...kalau gemuk boleh kurus...kalau hitam boleh putih...tp kalau hati dah hitam ssh nk clorox blk...ngertik???
Thanks but not thinking about any kids now
DeletePerancangan Allah itu indah kan, Dia hadiahkan pasangan yang membahagiakan Alia with his own way. Semoga Alia dilimpahkan kebahagiaan dan kasih-sayang bersama family...
ReplyDeleteAmin!
Deletealamak!! mati laa.. mesti u kecik ati. sebab dulu i ada cakap yang i x sabar nak tgk anak u. combination u dengan Don.. i tak maksudkan pun nak kutuk u.. sila jangan kecik hati..
ReplyDeletetakyah nak pedulik laa dengan kata orang.. tak mati dikeji.. lagi u pikir, lagi stress.. baik u buat keje sendiri.. puaskan hati sendiri..
-KuraKura-
Hahaha no la, what I was saying org yg ckp that I should get married to "fix" my keturunan. Nak fix apa? I'm already beautiful. HAHAHAHAH
Delete"Alaa rupa mak walrus pun dapat kawen dgn omputih. Kau ada?!" kata Alia sambil melibas lelemak perutnya.
ReplyDeleteSebenarnya dorang jeles sebab mak walrus dapat omputih.
Aku pun jeles kot sebab aku lagi hot dari kau tapi bangla pun taknak pandang aku.
Nangis.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Deletehai Alia! i've been your silent reader for a while now. im really enjoying your comics! Anyway, i've been underweight most of my life. the only time i have a normal weight is when im pregnant. after giving birth, i actually lose so many weight that made people asking "kau pakai baju pinjam ke ni??". annnnddd i have never been proud of my weight. i mean, im really tall and im too thin. masa sekolah dulu2, im always the awkward girl, i dont know how to socialize sebab i thought im really ugly, with bony figure. all the popular girls kan mcm sangat cantik, pakai apa pun cantik, have all these boys yg admire them. when i masuk uni, that is when i realize that the world is full of different people and it is up to us to define our perspective. i learn to love myself and be proud of how Allah has make me. i learn to enjoy my life, make the most of it and enjoy the fact that i cannot gained weight. haha....and you know what, i found my soulmate aka my husband now, that thinks im the hottest woman. even kim kardashian couldnt be compared to me!. hahahaha.....(of course like don, he's soooo biased!) anyway my point is, every people kdg2 ada je benda yang tak puas hati tentang diri sendiri because we kept comparing ourselves to other people. gemuk pun kite rasa down, kurus pun rasa down. saya sentiasa sematkan dlm hati tentang ayat Allah berkenaan dugaan (dugaan as in rasa low self esteem, rasa ugly, being called names, etc). "Allah dtgkan sesuatu dugaan sesuai dengan kemampuan hamba-hambaNya" (sorry i dont remember the exact verse) Anyway, glad that you are soooo much happier now!
ReplyDelete-Nurul-
Yes so true! Ppl will still talk behind your back no matter what! Ada je yg tak puas hati. Selalunya I buat donno je, tapi kadang kadang tu sakit hati jugak la!
Deletei used to feel the exact same shite years ago. Its all becoz i have frens which are mean & a boyfren that is a jerk.
ReplyDeleteafter a while, i turned out to meet the nicest frens eva & a hubby that always boost up my self esteem.
Only then i realized, that we are actually beautiful in every way, we juz needed someone to point it out for us.
<3 Much love! So glad that you don't associate yourself with those kind of people anymore! I pun ada bunch of "friends" like that, tapi I'd usually just buat donno je bila diorg bukak mulut longkang diorg tu!
DeleteI think you are beautiful inside and outside xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Min! Me too! I think I am beautiful! HAHAHAHHA
DeleteIn my case, aku gemok tunang aku lagiii la gemok. Aku terima je dia seadanya sebab dia je aku rasa yang aku tak pernah bosan spending my time with. Aku tengok manusia memang makin kurang ajar sekarang ni dimana-mana pun, sebab everytime aku go out with him kadang-kadang banyak naik darah dari happy sebab people would just stare macam dia tu alien, and worst ada yang panggil anak-anak diorang and pointing to my fiance because he's incredibly besar and cute (puji la sket kan ahaha). Ada pernah sekali aku marah sangat sampai nangis kat tepi tiang macam budak2. Haha.
ReplyDeleteBeing rejected, lagi la pernah. Aku pun pernah frust menonggeng pasal tu - siap takleh wat keje, nangis siang malam, siap balik rumah mak aku la konon nak tenangkan diri. Bila fikir balik ape ke bebalnya aku rasa macamtu. Tapi nak wat camne kan, cinta habis la tu kiranya. HAHA. yang lagi memalukan bukan sekali yer aku macamtu. tapi DUA. *pitam ingat kebodohan sendiri*
Anyway, hidup ni pendek je. Aku rasa buang masa sangat nak benci-benci orang ni. Just live your life happily je dah la. Pelik aku setengah manusia ni banyak sangat ke masa nak stalk-stalk and benci orang segala? Takde keje lain ke? Kalau aku la, malas sangat nak fikir kenapa orang tu end up dengan si polan, kenapa si polan tu nak dengan dia ni ke.. takde masa oi! Aku happy, hidup aku happy je sudah kannnnn
Oh gosh you're so right. Sekarang ni manusia makin kurang ajar!! Wait, lemme rephrase that, sekarang ni KIDS makin kurang ajar!! I blame their parents!! Sebab tak reti nak jaga anak! Then anak dia bergaul dgn budak lain kat sekolah, those budak budak pun terikut ikut sekali perangai setan! Aku pernah marah sorang budak ni sbb kurang ajar sangat, pastu menyesal sbb dia masih budak lagi. Ada la dlm umur 12 tahun mcm tu. HAHAHAHAH
DeleteHahaha I agree tho! Kalau tak suka kenapa nak stalk bagai kan? Sebok nak tau kenapa org tu kawen dgn si polan, mcm mana si polan tu berkenan kat si polan. Nampak sgt la sebenarnya diorg bizibodi jugak nak tau pasal life org tu kan! hahaha
Memang. aku kadang-kadang macam sceptical dengan ayat 'budak budak bukan tau apa'. Like, NO. Memang taktau apa tapi mak bapak la yang bagi dia tau yang that thing is bad, this thing is funny and so on. And makes it OKAY to laugh at people. Yang biar and jadikan budak tu OKAY tu kurang ajar. Its not funny ok. There's a reason why orang cakap melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya (amboi!) sebab dah besar baru nak ajar memang tak la!
DeleteJadi aku berazam anak aku karang kalau biadap camtu memang aku cilikan ajer mulut dia! I iz seriuz ok. HAHA
hahaha chill alia.. juz ignore others.. susahla kalau nak puaskan hati semua org as nobody perfect.. juz make sure u live happily..
ReplyDeleteAllah adalah sebaik-baik pencipta and segala perancanganNya adala sebaik-baik utk hambaNya.
See u dah happily married woman.. ada yg cun melecun.. sexy.. gojes.. still single ok... Don must be proud to have u as his wife..
hahaha..
yp.. ni sedih2 ni bukan pembawakan kan..kan..
Tu la, dulu mmg makan hati apa yg manusia manusia mulut longkang ni cakap, tp skrang dah masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri! Buat apa nak stress kan kepala I yg gorgeous ni kan HAHAHAHA.
DeleteTapi kadang kadang tu tersentap la jugak!
Congratulations for being able to rise above those who have talked negatively about you Alia, and its fantastic that you've found someone that accepted you and cherishes you for who you are! :)
ReplyDeleteYou do need to do a health screen once you hit 35 though, and make sure you eat healthy and exercise! It's not about how you look, it's about taking care of your health.
Thank you Aida! I'm glad I found him! And he should be glad he found me too! HAHAHAH
DeleteAla, 35 lama lagi tuu *type sambil makan chocolate* HAHAHSJAHSJAHDJAHD
Hi Alia,
DeleteMost likely your insurance would cover annual Physical check-up and Gynae check-up. You should take advantage of that. Since doctor mahal, I jumpa setahun sekali to get all the necessary prescriptions. Oh, if you have a specific Primary Care Physician, bila demam/selesema you can call/email them to send prescriptions to the pharmacy (for example, if you need antibiotic or cough medicine with codeine) . So takyah jumpa in this instance.
My doctor selalu bising about my weight too, tapi all my other vitals are good (Blood Pressure, Cholesterol Level, Hormone Level, etc). So, yeah, you can be healthy and still carry a lot of weight. I do high intensity exercise a few times a week and I eat real food (very minimal junk food), yet I still weight double than my ideal weight. If anyone is so "concern" about my “health”, I just give them a finger. Just because they are skinny, doesn’t mean they know shit about being healthy. Most of these people who “advise” me tend to lead on, oh, not-so-healthy lifestyle too. At the same time, not one person at my gym, yang badan sangat hot and tegap, ever made any comment about how concern they are about my “health".
I nak bagitau about the annual check-up, tetiba terlajak panjang lebar. I selalu skip jumpa doctor. That one my insurance cover 2 visits a year pun, pergi every two years.
-Tess
hahahaah I agree! I've done my check up before I got here, because I had to (part of the visa thingymajic) so my other vitals are good too, cuma weight je yg isu! People who are skinny not necessarily they are healthy! Sebok je nak "concern" about other ppl health issue!
DeleteSpeaking of which, everything here is all about insurance ye?!! I mean everything oso kena insurance! nak amik lesen pun kena ada insurance! Tapi pergi doc pun amik prescription je, obat obat semua kena pergi pharmacy!
macam mana pon kejadian kita, pasti dan wajib ada je orang tanya tak puas hati.
ReplyDeleteok fine aku pon bukan level miss world, tapi org punya judgement serius membongak acaner pon, kita x boleh lari. aku dah banyak kali kena jugak weh. kita dalam dunia ni, takkan alone dalam banyak hal.
am happy u happy now alia. dari zaman aku baca blog ko penuh membebel2 sebagai anak dara, sampailah anak yg dah takde dara skrang (wahahaha am not going to say sorry for that ayat), ko antara pendorong caltex aku, bagi ceria bila aku down. ko mungkin rasa ntah apa2, just remember, ianya membantu sesetengah manusia di luar sana, termasuk aku :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA sentence kedua kau tuu!! Fuhhh! Berpeluh aku baca!
Deletesweet :)
ReplyDelete<3
DeleteU made me believe that I will have a chance to find my own soulmate..
ReplyDeleteLike yourself.. I have very little confidence in me. It was once broken, shattered into tiny bit of pieces... I perfectly understand on how hard to rise up again and tell yourself that you are okay~
I am glad you've met your soulmate... ^_^ and I silently pray that I shall meet mine when the right time comes.. in sha Allah :)
May your life be blessed with Allah s.w.t blessings :)
I feel you babe, I feel you!
DeleteLemme tell you one thing, all those negative ppl and their opinions can kiss our big booty asses! If they don't like us, then move along! Cause there are MORE people out there that are dying to be our friends/soulmate! We may be lacking in this department (I lack in the beauty department obviously) but I top it off with my incredible personality! (matiler puji diri sendiri hahaha).
So you find your strength and hold it tight!
Hi Alia,
ReplyDeleteI am one of your silent reader..dan selalu tegur alia dia forum..tp.malangnya x pernah dpt response huhu..its ok..
yes..i sampai sekarang low self esteem.. still feel ugly sampai sanggup x bergambar..
Oh ye ke?? Tak perasan la! I bukan selalu masuk forum punnggg, masuk bila nama di seru je. HAHA
DeleteAla don't be like that la! I used to be the same too! Here's one tip that Don told me a long time ago, he said men find confidence sexy. Skin is only superficial beauty, but if a woman can carry herself in confidence, then she is definitely sexy and beautiful, and that's attractive!
Sampai sekrang I remember his words. Sebab tu I don't care how berlapis lapis my dagu can be, or how serabai my hair is, be confident and always tell myself that I am sexy! Because apparently that reflects on your outer self!
Alia, you are one of those lucky ones who found someone who loves you just the way you are. Trust me, even the prettiest of them all may not find someone like Don who loves them because of their inner self. Women came in all shapes and sizes and 'mean people' are always there to criticize. The society shapes this way of thinking since way before we're born. Gemuk salah. Kurus salah. Boobless, salah. Bootyless salah. Well, the painful truth is beauty don't last. HAHAHAHA!!
ReplyDeleteYou're happy now and Don is lucky to have you. You have a beautiful soul although you may be saikosis. haha. But that's what makes you unique and that's why we readers love to read your blog. you're one of a kind.
Aww thank you for your kind words! You can never satisfy people. Like you said, semua salah. One thing that's absolute is, satisfy yourself! If you're happy, then lantak pi la apa org nak cakap ye dak?
DeleteAku x tau la ape masalah dah tiga kali aku komen tp komen tak masuk2!!! Lahabau betul! Tp tak kira nak komen jugak!! Mcm nilsh. Nak suruh kau buat tak tau je spe org ckp pn x blh. Kita ni manusia mne boleh nk ignore je kan. Kadang2 gram and sedih jugak. So, senangnye manusia mmg mcm tu. Kau kurus salan, gemuk slah, hitam salah, putih salah. Pendek kate semua pun salah. Janji kau bahagia Alia and tak hutang ape2 pun dgn diorg nih. You are a beautiful person inside and out. That is the main reason Don loves you. And aku tau la.. Because kau mampu buat aku ketawa terbahak2 baca blog kau. Ingat senang ke nak buat aku mengilai pontianak baca blog. Hard to please ok aku ni. Hahaha but kau tak pernsh nak fake it. Ape kau rase kau tulis. I like. Overall just be happy ok dear. Kerana dirimu begitu berharga. Okbai!
ReplyDeletegimme 5... aku pun selalu kena kutuk... diaorg suma igt aku kawen dgn laki tua bangka yg xde taste dah or lelaki huduh or atleast lelaki same size.. ppl terkejut bila nampak MR.. langgit dan bumi sgt... aku langgit dia bumi... sbb aku lg cantik... hahahahaha... neway, jgn dgr sgt apa kata diaorg... mereka is pendengki.. kita is the hottest babatlicious.. abaikan suara jahat... (ckp kat org mmg terer padahal lari dlm bilik kesat air mata bila org kutuk... hahaha)
ReplyDeletealia... sorry but i laughed at your opening sentence. this one,
ReplyDeleteTiba tiba hari ni rasa sedih.
Bukan sedih apa, sedih sebab tadi tengah compile gambar gambar lama, badan masih serupa walrus.
hehe
anyway, you have come so far, and you have beautiful life with loving people around you, people would always talk and only you know what you are....
hugs.
Thank you Cacah! The ppl around you reflect on you! So if you're surrounded by beautiful and loving people, the chances of you being one is high too right?
Deleteit is n0t e boy that u crushed with, was jahat coz rejecting u before.. it was just u were not up to his expectation n both of u r were not meant together..
ReplyDeleteand then becoz becoz... u will somehow find a man that see u really up to his expectation.. he is DON... hihihihi...
I'm totally crying read this thing...I mean, it's just like a poetry...you written it like a poem..I love it so much....it's not because how lucky you are..
ReplyDeleteBut, the truth is you're a nice person...and, you'll get someone who's nice as nice as you are....hope your life with your husband..happier forever and ever..
Aww thank you for your kind words Sugi! I hope your life is filled with as many joy as it can!
Delete