Bukan sedih apa, sedih sebab tadi tengah compile gambar gambar lama, badan masih serupa walrus.
haha saikosis ke apa kau ni Alia.
Sendiri malas exercise, lagi mau bertakung air mata kan.
Actually what I'm feeling now is not really sedih lah, it's more...I dunno...nangis kesyukuran? Haha
I'm just really grateful that I found someone in my life that wants to spend his life with ME.
I've never thought that someone as dark as me, as fat as me, as ugly as me has a man that loves me for everything that I am. I know I shouldn't have put myself so low because he said I'm the most beautiful person he has ever seen.
But that's probably because he's biased. LOL
Of course la he think I'm pretty, I'm his wife!
But he taught me to love myself over all of these years.
And he gets really upset if I start talking bad about myself! Sampai aku yg stress sebab kena sound balik. haha
Don't get me wrong, I love myself now. I think I'm a strong woman, with a strong heart and a strong stomach (cause I could practically eat anything LOL).
But there are times where I'd look up on the mirror and I see this, fragile woman, whose heart has been broken up to pieces one too many times.
I've been rejected, called ugly and fat throughout all of my younger years.
People are mean.
And there's no way in hell I can make them happy.
There's always something wrong, or something incomplete with me.
Kalau aku single, oh that's because I'm fat and ugly.
Kalau aku dah kawen, oh that's because he's blind or a chubby chaser.
People talk shit when I'm single.
People still talk shit when I'm married.
I've had people telling me that they're glad that I'm married so I can "fix" my keturunan.
Like it's any of their concern on how ugly I am, or how my kids are gonna look like!
We are NOT related, so why so concern about "fixing" my keturunan?
How about YOU fix your own damn family tree first before opening your mouth
Tetiba ter emosi pulak.
Oh! Have I ever mention that I found my old crush/fling (I really don't know what to categorize him as cause he wasn't really a boyfriend, but like a boyfriend) on FB?
He was this guy whom I had a crush on, but never met in person.
I was friends with his brother and somehow he got into the picture.
We talked on the phone almost everyday and to be honest, never felt like we needed to meet up.
I didn't know he was such a douchebag in person cause his brother was the nicest human being I've met!
So when we first met, he immediately rejected me, obviously because I'm not up to his expectations.
He started ignoring my calls and texts, or had his friend telling me that he wasn't there, which was bullshit cause I could hear him, telling his friend that over the phone.
Anyway, he broke my heart so bad that I couldn't sleep or eat for weeks! I was so dumb to let him control my life! I lost ALL of my confidence (I had very little of it) and I didn't think I could recover from him. (dramatik habisss ni)
He didn't really tell me that I'm ugly or fat (for that I'll give him credits for) but rejecting me right AFTER we met is enough of an evidence of him saying/thinking that. As if all of those months (I think it was a year) of talking and laughing with each other didn't matter.
Anywaaay, back to my point, I saw his name on FB several weeks ago after raya and I've decided to add him!
I mean I'm obviously over him, and I figured we could actually try to be friends for real this time.
Making amends la kata kan.
I may look tough, but my heart is as soft as a cotton candy.
I may get mad easily, but I forgive easily as well.
I'm a nice person. So I don't know why people cannot be nice to me. :(
Oh turns out he's still not married
Guess I beat him for that one.
Masih competitive! Please grow up Alia!
Anyway, I try not to get these little things get inside my head, but I'm only human.
Words sometimes get to me.
But it's okay, cause whenever I'm feeling ugly, I'll just go and hug my husband.
Cause he absolutely thinks I'm beautiful and his opinion is the only one that matters!
I love you Don Miller!
Silly Lady In Town