Saturday, February 20, 2016

Be a Responsible Adult.

Hai uols

Hari ni kita take a break from talking about myself ya? Kita cakap pasal kisah dunia pulak.

I'm sure for those of you yang added/followed me on Facebook have seen this post a while ago, but I just feel like talking about it again.

Because I can, and I want to. *muka bengis*




I've seen a lot of my family members especially and my younger siblings' friends got married at such an early age. There's nothing wrong with getting married, but what I think is wrong is that they have their priorities wrong. Their first order of business after graduation is to get married. Some even tak sempat tunggu graduate dah kawen. Angan-angan sejak kecik, nak pakai wedding dress, nak majlis kawen grand, instead of setting up a bigger goal, like securing for a better future.

Getting married isn't a guarantee that you'll find eternal happiness you know.  There are many reasons for a divorce, and one of the culprits is finances. Kalau you don't have a good job, macam mana nak support your family? I can't help but imagine that I'm a fresh grad, kerja pun belum tentu dapat, pastu terus kawen , and kalau dah kawen, of course lah dah beranak pinak, then I'm being forced to either stay at home and jaga anak, or shove my kids to my parents which IS NOT their responsibility anyway.

Oh and before I forget, I know this might offend some of you, but I really don't get it why it's unusual for a (recently) married couple NOT planning to have a child as soon as possible.

Call me crazy or whatever (I'd prefer "RESPONSIBLE" thank you very much) but I don't believe in cepat-cepat buat anak lepas kawen. Dah la kawen muda, your salary/your spouse's salary barely make ends meet, then tiba-tiba perut boyot.

Having kids aren't always financially feasible. Banyak duit kena guna untuk anak. If you can't even commit to pay your house rent/or whatever religiously, then how are you going to commit to the lifetime of financial expenses? Kalau your PTPTN loan pun terbengkalai, kau expect nak tanggung 4 orang anak? If you can hardly afford to live well now based on your income, then how can you be expected to give a child the life that they deserve??

Takkan susu diapers pun your parents nak kena belikan?

I personally think it's SELFISH of you if you can't even provide the basic necessities for your household and yet you're planning of having another mouth to feed in the house.

I'm sick and tired of hearing people saying shit like "oh your biological clock is ticking!" or "You're missing out on one of the best things in life"

like dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

First of all, I'm not bringing a child into this world when I can barely afford to own a goddamn house because I'm a responsible fucking person, and secondly, "the best thing in life"? Says who? You? I might say that owning a dog is the best thing in life, would you agree?

Exactly.


Anyway, as I was saying, marriage isn't a measurement of success. I wish people would just stop and think about this for a second. There are so many people in this world use their marriage as a success story in life (I know I'm guilty of it - I've realized that's not the case. I've hit a milestone yes, but that doesn't mean I should just kick my feet up and call it done). I want to make a million bucks. I want to own 10,000 cars. I want to own a multi-billion dollars worth of a company. I want to travel the whole world. I want to move to Africa. The list is endless. I'm not stopping at "OH I GOT MARRIED. PHEW. I'M DONE." 

I also personally think that you should get to know your significant other well before committing. You might not share the same vision of success. You might have different priorities and interests. I think I've said this in my earlier posts that having a common interest is essential in a relationship. Kalau you have nothing in common, then why are you together? You'll just inevitable grow apart.

So if you're 17 and you're getting married soon.....how long have you ACTUALLY known your spouse?? I hate to say this, but if you're still in your teens or even early 20s, it's quite possible that your pemikiran masih tak matang lagi. You only think of what's fun now, not the lifetime commitment ahead.

Statistics cakap, those yg kawen muda ni are likely to get divorced, because they aren't prepared for what comes next.

Masa you muda, you don't know yourself. You change a lot. Sebab tu when you're older, you're more stable because you know where you're going. You've also matured and ready for whatever. You're more likely to have set yourself up career and financial wise.

Anyway, there's always an exception to everything. It's not fair for me to say that age alone is a deciding factor for longevity of a marriage.

So if you got married young and your marriage is still going strong, kudos to you.



Gahhh. There are so much shit I want to say about this, but I'm extremely tired uols. Mata dah kuyu-kuyu.

Ok bai.












24 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Some young couple married bcos nk elak zina. Thn boom divorce rate escalated bcause bontot menggerutu, bcos anak demam (wtf??), bcos spouse mkn dlm kereta.

      Marriage is not just about fucking and tht lovey dovey thingy.

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    2. Ohhhh this is sooo true! I was writing a whole paragraph about this, tapi aku padam sebab nanti datang la mulut-mulut busuk kat sini. I'm trying to make my blog as PG-13 as possible. It's true that some people get married sebab nak elak zina je. What a shallow mentality.

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  2. totally agree with you sis. Tapi mostly rakyat Malaysia nie buat kalau tak kawen tue macam jadi kesalahan besar pulak.

    -atie-

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    1. Tu la what I'm saying, we shouldn't use marriage as a measurement of success. Just because orang tu tak kawen lagi, doesn't mean dia failed in life. Just because someone is married, doesn't mean dia succeeded in life. Malaysians have their priorities wrong. Hidup bukan untuk kawen dan buat anak semata-mata.

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  3. THIS POST IS GOLD!!!
    U ARE LITERALLY SPEAK MY MIND!
    I am wholeheartedly agree with u Alia. what's the big deal of marriage anyway? I know there's someone that has been written for us way before we're even exist in a womb. what's with the rush. our significant other will come eventually. if not in this world, then in the Hereafter. seriously, I grew tired of hearing people, especially girls complaining of not finding their soulmate or whatever.

    personally, I think marriage is not for everyone. some people prefer to live on their own, like me. but still, I'm not oppose to marriage institution. it's just that I can't imagine living with someone else. maybe when the time comes, or someone came along changing my perspective, then I'm okay with that but for the time being...I'd rather stay single.

    marriage is exceptionally great for those who's financially stable and has good morality and personality. I believe if one is a hot-tempered, they should stay away from marriage. well, who wants that kind of person to be married to, right?

    like u said, there's much more to life than marriage. I pity those who make their goal in life is marriage. it's sad, really.

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    1. I agree with you that if someone is a shitty person with a shitty personality, then that person needs to either change or don't breed, because lets face it, the probability of shitty parents raising another shitty children is high. It's a vicious cycle.

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    2. that is so true alia..shitty parents=shitty children. kemungkinan yg tinggi

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  4. Kau dah cakap apa yang ada dalam fikiran aku dan aku tak mampu nak cakap dekat kawan2 aku.
    Kebanyakan kawan aku set matlamat as 'nak kahwin', then after kahwin, matlamat dah hilang barulah kekonon nak enjoy life and then realized perkahwinan dia sesuatu yang menyekat life enjoyment dia. Pity them pity.

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    1. Very true. Aku tak paham those yang sekat their enjoyment til they get married, then baru terhegeh hegeh nak enjoy life. Time tu anak dah berbakul-bakul and nak pergi vacation of fikir 400 kali. Mak aku selalu pesan, kalau nak enjoy ke nak travel keliling dunia ke, do it while you're single. Because once you're committed to a marriage, you're priorities have shifted.

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  5. i got married when i was 31 and for some people its already quite late. even one of my cousins bising when i was still single and she said 'TAK TAKUTKE? NANTI EXPIRED OKAY!" Rasa cam nak lempang jek seriously.
    Masa i kawen tu memang me and hubs dan stable alhamdulilah and i dah puas travelled with my friends.
    and now i dah more than a year kawen but still belom ada rezeki anak but its okay. i can travel with my hubs to anywhere :D
    good post alia!

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  6. i got married when i was 31 and for some people its already quite late. even one of my cousins bising when i was still single and she said 'TAK TAKUTKE? NANTI EXPIRED OKAY!" Rasa cam nak lempang jek seriously.
    Masa i kawen tu memang me and hubs dan stable alhamdulilah and i dah puas travelled with my friends.
    and now i dah more than a year kawen but still belom ada rezeki anak but its okay. i can travel with my hubs to anywhere :D
    good post alia!

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  7. Alia, that is what we call "budaya melayu"...hehehe...but i guess tak semua lah melayu sibuk nak kawinkan anak awal awal. dah terjadi dlm family i jgk..my niece yg baru lepas U (girl and belum graduate lg) dah nak kawin, and when i ask my brother, dia kata, biarla kawin awal, tak yah susah nak jaga anak dara lagi..wtf..gitu alasannya or for me..alasan typical malay...kan ke tanggungjawab ko jaga sampai ko mati kut walaupun xkawin...i ingat takde orang nak bring up this issue kat blog...finally u brough it up...good job alia...

    And u perasan tak, disebabkan org melayu kawin terlampau awal ..like lepas grad mcm tu dan xde simpanan, bila dah kawin baru tau hidup sesudah kawin perlukan banyak duit, maka berlaku la perceraian. Dan perceraian paling ramai adalah dari kaum melayu dalam usia perkahwinan yang masih muda. i bandingkan dgn dengan rakan ofis i dari kalangan bangsa lain..ramai yg membujang kerana mereka mahu membeli rumah dahulu, bantu orang tua dan ada yg mahu enjoy traveling round the world sebelum terikat dgn perkahwinan. Gitu vision mereka yang tidak ada dalam vision anak muda melayu sekarng ni. Sekian

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    1. I don't think it's a Malay thing. It's actually universal to be pressured to marry. Try speaking to one of your non-Malay friends and you'll be surprised that they have to go through the same $h!t too. Lepas kahwin, anak, lepas anak, anak lagi, lepas tu exam anak. The list goes on and on.

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  8. alia!!!! agreed sangat!! i kawin lepas 7 tahun graduated. my bro kawin after 2 years graduated. i sempat balas jasa org tua sebelum kawin..dgn beli kereta, byr semua bil, byr duit rumah, tanggung adik2, but him after graduated terus kumpul duit utk kawin..and terlupa psl kebajikan family..i dont know why nak support soal jodoh cepat..hmm..for me jodoh betul di tangan Allah but we still can manage the time right? tp mostly now i attend wedding anak orang ada2..semua kawin umur 23 tahun..mcm dorang 1 year graduated terus kawin..semua buat di 4-5 stars punya hall..parents can afford..hopefully berbaloi2 la..

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  9. I agreeee! I don't know what else to say to my family members, especially all my aunts who have been asking me when and gave me the talk about "your biological clock is ticking". It's offensive (to me)to highlight my age. I'm 29. Yes. Old.Damn it. I am in a relationship for 6 years. Yes. Society said i should get married. But...oh god, age doesn't determined if one is ever ready for a married life.

    I'm 29 and i haven't achieved anything yet. I've yet to travel, i have yet to find jobs that will help me support myself well and most probably the job i love. I am still figuring out my life.
    I just want to be able to stand on my own before i get married.

    So kudos on your post. People should read that. Like really read and digest every word and stop judging unmarried people and imposed such rule that certain age must get married or the entire human race dies. Haha

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  10. I agreeee! I don't know what else to say to my family members, especially all my aunts who have been asking me when and gave me the talk about "your biological clock is ticking". It's offensive (to me)to highlight my age. I'm 29. Yes. Old.Damn it. I am in a relationship for 6 years. Yes. Society said i should get married. But...oh god, age doesn't determined if one is ever ready for a married life.

    I'm 29 and i haven't achieved anything yet. I've yet to travel, i have yet to find jobs that will help me support myself well and most probably the job i love. I am still figuring out my life.
    I just want to be able to stand on my own before i get married.

    So kudos on your post. People should read that. Like really read and digest every word and stop judging unmarried people and imposed such rule that certain age must get married or the entire human race dies. Haha

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  11. aku setuju semua..! kecuali bab nak travel keliling dunia tu, aku dah kawin ni la baru merasa nak jalan merata ke sana sini sebab dapat ikut hubby keje.. sebab parents aku jenis anak pempuan tak leh travel2 ni, bahaya..!! nanti dah ada suami pergi la mana nak pergi... gitu..!! :)

    aku rasa diaorang ni banyak ikut kawan2 je lebih.. kawan2 plak anak org kaya.. masuk kolej bapak tanggung, kawin bapak tanggung, siap bawa hadiahkan pakej honeymoon mahal2 kat luar negara, lepas tu bapak belikan rumah, dulukan duit downpayment kereta mahal2.. memang la boleh beb..!!

    yang tak anak orang kaya ni pula main ikut je.. tengok kawan umur 23 tahun dah kawin, dia menggelenyar nak kawin.. tapi duit takde..! yg ada CINTA je.. phuuiiii..!! ingat boleh kenyang dengan cinta semata.. Kesian la tgk budak2 camni.. buat keputusan pun main ikut2 orang.. apa nak jadi..?

    :(


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  12. SPOT ON!
    Aku agree dengan kau. Tak payah la kawen awal2 --fikiran pun tak mature lagi, hidup pun still terumbang ambing.

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  13. salah sorang family(perempuan) aku cmni lah, laki dia tak habis lagi belajar, dah kahwin, dan dia nak kerja and sambung master,laki dia tak bagi, sbb laki dia ada diploma je, susu anak, pampers anak, kalo x mak bapak laki tu, mak bapak or adik beradik dia yg keluarkn duit. kawin awl pon sbb mak bapak paksa, takut anak jadi andartu

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  14. One of the best article you have written...parents need to rest during their golden years..not looking after grand sons or daughter...can't wait for u to continue on this topic..:) -sally-

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  15. Aku setuju yang perempuan mostly set dalam kepala, marriage is their ultimate goal in this life. And then, tak habis2 cerita pasal kahwin dan jodoh...sebenarnya memang banyak benda boleh kita buat masa bujang ni. Time ni la nak happykan family, luangkan masa dengan family dan kawan2, travel....ingat lepas kahwin senang ke nak dapat buat semua tu... kalau dapat pun, limited time je....

    Actually, aku tak rasa masalah pun kalau orang nak kahwin lambat or cepat. Umur tak memenentukan kematangan seseorang. Yang penting orang yang nak kahwin ni kena tahu responsibility dia. Dah belajar habis2 apa diorg punya responsibilities sebelum kahwin, x kisah la umur dia berapa waktu tu.....dan dah rasa layak dan mampu tanggung semua reponsibilities dia as husband/wife lepas berkahwin. Ni kalau fikir kahwin tu yang indah2 je, yang sweet2 je... macam mana nak expect boleh survive when the marriage is in crisis.

    Kalau yang nak kahwin ni seorang yang bertanggungjawab, even financial dia belum stabil pun dia mampu kekalkan perkahwinan tu atas dasar tanggungjawab tadi. Pandai2 la dia cari alternatif untuk settlekan semua masalah dia tanpa perlu memutuskan ikatan perkahwinan. But, kebanyakannya berkahwin untuk menghalalkan yang haram je... hmmm..

    Nice post btw...

    ReplyDelete


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