Monday, December 21, 2009

Alia's Guide: SURVIVING LDR

So kembalilah lagi dalam sesi mengumpat bersama Cik Alia.

I've got some people asking me macam mana I can survive 8 years (and counting) LDR. So here, I'll summarize everything under one post. So nanti bila orang tanya, boleh lah aku cakap "please refer to my post dated sekian sekian, thank you". 

Wahahah, pang, kena pelempang.

So the main question here is,  

"How do you remain in love when you can't even remain in the same zipcode?"



1
Firstly first, TALK ABOUT YOUR LDR INTENSIVELY. What to expect, how to cope, if adinda (wah, tetiba adinda) keluar dengan kawan-kawan will that affect kekanda, etc. Expect the conditions and accept them. Positive thinking lahh.

Oklah, bukan lah maksud aku "intensively" tu, dalam satu hari tu cakap pasal tu je, matilah kebosanan, haha. But stretch it lah. That's why my relationship sampai boleh pergi ke 8 tahun. Because we had a mutual agreement in the beginning. Kira dah macam tulis contract lah, I cannot do this, you cannot do that. Hahah. And plus, it's a topic for conversation. It bonds you.

This might seems remeh temeh, but trust me, this helps alot because most LDRs end in disaster within the first 6 months. So if you've already talked about it, you basically know what to expect thus membuatkan you remain calm and steady. Get itttt? If you can't even cope with the tediousness, then how do you expect to cope with your relationship meh?


 2 (and 1/2)

Most LDRs inevitably lead to mild depression. So it is important for you to REMAIN SOCIAL - even if you don't like it. Yes yes, I know you're madly in love, you only want to spend your days with your partner, but that's not healthy. Go out sometimes, have fun with your family and friends.

It relaxes your mind, tak der lah duduk terperuk mengadap muka dia on webcam 24/7. You'll argue less too.

Oh yes, YOU NEED TO ARGUE TOO. Ok jangan lah sampai menghempas pintu baling pasu kinda argument, but, argue manja manja gituwww. I think everybody knows that 1 argument a week keeps your relationship healthy. Haha.


But girls, make sure MAJORITY of your social clicks are women- just to be safe. Kalau tak, nanti ada yang menaga. Kah kah kah. Same goes for you too lah men.





EXPRESS YOURSELF. Since both of you are so far away from each other, so physical gestures are out. So what if you can't buy her flowers, or dine her, or bawak berjoli sakan, it's not the end of the world.

You can always sing for her/him on the phone/skype/whatever means. If you're not the singing type, you can always dance for her on webcam, haha. Ikut creativity masing-masing lah. I'm just giving examples.

Though all these are nice, but for me personally, I'd appreciate more if he goes ol' skool, where the PEN is mightier than the phone.

Write down your thoughts in a classic love letter.

It's romantic, it's sweet and it's omaigodcair. Haha.

Don used to write me heaps of love notes. He even wrote me love poems! And made a flash video expressing his love (toped with lomantik musik somemore).

Oklah, this is downright embarrassing because I know my family read my blog too and I know they won't expect I *could* be someone so cheesy and romantic, but Don and I used to berbalas-balas love notes.

It was where I'd write a love letter, saying stuff how I adore him, long for him and such, and he'd reply me via love notes too!

LOL, I've browsed through my vault (wah, ada vault haha) where I keep his poems, pictures and such, and all of them are so cheesy lah!! Malu nak letak sini. HAHA. But I suppose this is the LEAST cheesy and corny...I think lah.




[Berehat sementara waktu. Shit lah, I just read one of his letters, where he wrote when we had some difficulties, sampai menangis aku baca. What the hell. I'd post it here, but I need to get his permission first]



Ok, so this is the not-so-cheesy poem lah yang I can post here..kalau nak letak yang lain tu, confirm korang muntah. Haha..


His VDay gift for me; a beautiful card with this written inside: 


Today I write to you my love;
My beautiful angel, sent from above.
These words I write, they don't say much,
but the emotions they express, are meant to touch.
Your heart, your soul, these things which I love about you the most,
they carry you along, like a graceful dove,
so beautiful you are, soaring through the sky.
Your wings they lift us up so high.
If I were to die, with only one breath left to give,
I'd say "I love you", for to love you, is to live.
I wish these words could meant more to you,
I wish they could show you how much I do.
Love you, my sweets, forever, and always.

Forever yours,
Don W. Miller II

Sweet tak abe ai??

Hahahahahahahahahahah

Ok sila muntah.

But after a couple of years, mood menulis poem lomantik lomantik sudah pudar. Haha. Dua dua malas.

I have this one weird perangai, agak annoying lah, I love to hear his reasons WHY he love me. Haha...dia awal-awal dulu, suka lah jugak, ye lah, cintan cintan baru berputik, so ayat-ayat mesti lah lomantik lomantik. But now, rasa macam orang dah kawen 8 tahun. Kentut depan sesuka hati je. So dia agak malas lah nak layan bila aku tanya "abeeee, why do you love meee?? kelip kelip mata".

Mesti dia respon balik "I've told you several times. Why don't you record it then??"

Kurang asam!

But agaknya dia rasa bersalah kot, so he wrote me a love poem telling me WHY he loves me. Boleh lah diabadikan selama-lamanyaaa. Wee! Saya suka! Suka!

So ini adalah poem terbaru (and hopefully won't be his last) dia. Written a year ago (or less).



Ask me not why I love you the way I do.
I love you for all the small things the world cannot see.

I love you
for your eyes which enchant me more than any spell can ever entrance.

I love you
for your lips which leave me lingering, longing and wanting for more.

I love you
for your smile that makes the earth and ground beneath me spin.

I love you
for your voice that blends with the heavenly songs of angels at play.

I love you
for many more reasons than I've mentioned today..

So, ask me not why I love you the way I do,
I know they are more numerous than I can count in just a day.

DWMII

Sobs sobs.

Bunyi macam ada subliminal message cakap "aku dah kasitau ni, jgn nak tanya lagi!" kan? HAHHAHA!!

Eh crap, baru point nombor 3 ke? Shit, ok ok, teruskan.



4
SAVE MORE. Let it be money or patience.

Kesabaran itu penting. Especially when you're in this kind of situation. You can't expect your partner to fly to you in a matter of time. Kalau hari-hari asyik dok tanya "when are you coming to see meeee, I miss you oredyyy", mesti lah partner tu rasa meluat. Silap hari, langsung dia tak datang. haha. So bawak-bawak lah bersabar yek.

Once your partner arrives, now you need the money untuk bawak dating, belanja sana sini kan? Since you two haven't seen each other for so long, mesti lah nak dating for the rest of the days when they're there kan? So cost untuk bawak dating/jalan jalan tu pon mesti lah lagi tinggi daripada couples yang 30 mins drive from each other. Sebab tu before the official arrival, silalah simpan duit. Bawak lah bekal makanan ke campus/office. Save sikit budget. Hehe. This goes for the other partner jugak. You need the money to travel jugak.

Ini kira asas mendirikan rumah tangga lah jugak, finance arrangement. Kalau asyik "eh baby, you lah bayar, I tertinggal wallet kat rumah", baik kau korek bijik mata!


5
Speaking of which, you should PLAN TO MEET EACH OTHER. Jangan lah I lap U U Lap Me, but semata-mata online/on the phone saja. Itu memberikan harapan palsu, sekali gus meretakkan hubungan anda! (wah ada bunyik macam ayat majalah InTrend tak? Hahahaha!).

It's important to see each other again at an interval of time throughout your relationship. This will help you to catch up over the things that you couldn't do while being apart. Oso, the anticipation of seeing each other again WILL DEFINITELY gives you the excitement serta harapan dan eliminate perasaan lonely ituuu.



6
Since you can only spend your time online, so instead of just talking non-stop, sila lah mencari ACTIVITY WHERE BOTH OF YOU CAN SHARE and do it together-gether! Tak kisah lah nak buat apa, main farmville sama sama ke, cafe world sama sama ke, crossword puzzle sama sama ke. That's why lah saya bermain World of Warcraft. Cause it's something that Don and I can do together. It helps you to communicate better dan keeps you entertained!

Kan kan!

One suggestion I can give, you can go here untuk bermain MMO games bersama-sama: OMGPOP



7
SURPRISE YOUR PARTNER. Selain daripada menari gedik gedik on webcam (kalau Don buat macam tu, boleh aku mati terkejut), silalah guna snail mail. Yes, though you claim that you're fine with intangible things and his/her love is more than enough to keep you happy, but you'd still be damn excited if he sends you gifts via post kan!

Lepas tu boleh lah bersifat riak takbur depan kawan-kawan/family "Look, he sent me this box of chocolates! Kau ada?" (hahah, motif nak riak?)


Contohnya macam ini.



(Ini sebenarnya nak beriak lah ni..hahahhha, sebab tu letak gambar)



8
Perhaps the most important point in a successful LDR...TRUST.

In surviving LDR, you must learn to trust your partner whole heartedly. There are no rooms for suspicion as your foundation in LDR is trust. Don't take this lightly you knowwww, a single suspicion will break the bond, and it's the beginning of the end!

Although it is easier said than done but trust me, if your partner is apt to do something unfaithful to you, they will still do it under your nose. Sifat kegatalan tu tak boleh nak sorok-sorok lagi dah. Therefore there is no need for you to create such unnecessary stress a.k.a drama in your LDR.



9
COMMUNICATION is vital. Tapi ini bukanlah green light untuk kau call him tanya "What are you doing?" "Where are you at?" "Who are you with?" "When are you coming back?" Where how when why why why nag nag nag nag.

Ok I admit, sometimes I'm like that osoo, but fikir fikir lah sendiri, do you like it when your partner asks you the same shit every 1 hour? Mesti lah rasa suffocating kan.

Anyway, by communicating better, it helps you to connect with your partner on a different level compared to your peers. Betul lah, I mean by just talking, you'd know his childhood memories, his high school experience, siapa ex gf's dia in DETAIL. Tidakkah anda mahu itu? Hahah...

Siapa cakap physical contact is important? Intellectual understanding LAGI important.



10
DO NOT TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP LIGHTLY. Just because your partner is absent, doesn't mean it gives you the right to dictate and manipulate your relationship. Your partner STILL has the rights to participate in any life altering decision making, regardless of where they are. Tapi jangan lah menggedik-gedik nak call semata-mata nak tanya:

"Abeeee, anje nak keluar pergi dinner ni...baju mana nak pakai??? please help meeee"

Wah. Kalau aku itu dah kena pelempang tepat di muka. Kalau benda remeh-temeh macam tu pon nak mengada-ngada nak tanya aku, baik korek mata sendiri je! (What is up with me and korek korek mata ni lately).



11
And lastly (wah, habis jugak si Alia ni!), DO NOT SUCCUMB TO NEGATIVE COMMENTS OF LDR.

Like seriously (wah, tetiba bimbo-like), a lot of us suka dengar cerita orang yang mengatakan LDR doesn't work. Negative impression itu eventually akan hunt you down thus destroy your perfect relationship. If you're in a long distance relationship, you MUST learn to believe that it WILL work.

Believing is the key. 

Macamlah if you believe you're ugly, then YOU ARE ugly. Tapi kalau anda fikir dan percaya anda ni super gorgeous, then YOU ARE gorgeous. Begitu lah.

I know because I didn't let any negative comments influence me. I am proud to say that I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CONQUERED MY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

*Kembang kempis kembang kempis*

Yes it takes a lot to make it work, but it is NOT impossible. You just need to have a lot of patience, trust and testicular fortitude.

Easy right?

Good luck people!
(wah, aku bercakap ni macam ada je orang nak mintak pandangan aku hahaha)

18 comments:

  1. so schweeeeeet! good tips and bukan LDR je nih, ni kena apply kat semua orang yg dlm relationship :)thanks for sharing!

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  2. sgt agree dgn farah..these also need to be applied in normal relationship...
    kansya shimashita alia chan~!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. agree with most part of it.but for me lah, yg paling penting is to build the trust.ye la kita tak date mcm org lain, so byk la setan setan dok main dalam otak.and tambah pulak kalau gu kita adalah org jauh ..lagilaaa pulak
    thank u for the post.realy nice to know n just like u in the beginning, i am now waiting for him to be here (finger crossed;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. great tips! walaupaun akak tidak terjebak di dalam situasi ini..tp bab tiba2 menari tu agak menarik hehehe, harus laki aku jatuh rebah sekiranya bini dia tiba2 terkinja2 kan :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. T_T

    n3 nih penawar jiwa aku! thanks alia :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's really awesome. It's very true of what you wrote. I've been through LDR and I could say that it sucks a lot when you see your friends with their SO and when you miss your SO sooo much. However, it's all worth it when things work out. It's awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. u are soooooo funny!
    hahaha, cute gile u pnggil u bf abe.
    btw, 1st time visiting your blog, awesome post about this topic btw. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. wah.. suke2... panduan... TQ na...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey,

    I deleted my facebook thingy, privacy issues, your email addy masih blue_evil27 ker??

    Just so I can keep you updated on my wrongdoings :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. Foxy Farah,
    Eh, apa ni, orang yang belum kawen pulak yang kasi tips kat orang dah dah kawen. Hahah

    Shasha,
    Silalah doa saya cepat kahwin. (Wah, tiba tiba HAHA)

    ladyhermanas,
    Yaaa! Agree! Sebab tu kat atas tu I ada cakap, trust is the foundation.

    Bitter Sweet,
    Hahahahahha, sama lah, kalau saya menari guling guling depan Don, boleh pengsan ok

    Alis,
    Penawar jiwa apanya??

    Leechian,
    I KNOWWWWWW it sucksss sooo much :( Hope you're doing well in NC! Say hello to Carolina Mall for me (if you're around the area llahh)

    Lilianna Mardiana,
    Yay! Sila lah baca 2-3 kali sehari ya! Hahahah...

    everybodynme,
    You're welcome!

    Cals,
    Blah you deleted it? Yah it's still blue evil, but I hardly use it lah. Nama tak glamer (I had it when I was 15 kan!!)..hahahaha...anyway, bookmark this addy! second.sanctuary@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. great entry and totally agree with all ur point. my previous relationship pn both LDR, yg 1st tak jauh mana.. Tganu, 2nd mmg totally timezone tak bole blah, T___T France.

    trust, communication, give & take, sabar (banyak2).. are the most important keys in LDR and to warm it up, just like wht u said, surprises help alot!

    paling tak tahan kalau rindu dah membukit, menggunung.. emosi sesorang, haha! nway Alia, wish u & Don all the best, semoga cepat2 kawen, aminnnnnnnnn.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. bila ada hari yang kita dah janji nak jumpa,walau berapa lama lagi pun, macam happy je hidup kan? LIke we have something to look forward to, and a reason to get out of bed. =)

    ReplyDelete
  13. You've been in your current relationship for 8 years..bila lagi nak kawin? Have u two started talking about marriage? Would he agree to convert? I know too many interracial interreligion relationships (LDR or yang bukan LDR) that fell apart once the subject of conversion comes about. How will u tackle this?

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Anonymous

    We've talked about him having to convert countless times. Alhamdulliah, he's willing to convert, though at first he was a bit uneasy of the subject. But I guess he had 8 years to think about, haha.

    He started to read the Quran translation and train himself to fast (walaupon kadang kadang tu bangun pagi bukak periuk haha).

    ReplyDelete
  15. first of all, loveeeeeeeeeeeeee your blog. hehe. i am one of those thousands silent readers ;)

    but yeah, i really like this particular post and would love to share it on my blog, since, well, we re in the same shoes when it comes to LDR thingy ^_^ and i couldnt agree more with what you ve said kat atas ni. hee.

    so yeah, igt cam nak curi headings je and bikin sendiri yang lain but i just love the way you put everything and it really what i wanna say. heee. so yeah, hope you dont mind me copying (yes cam nak copy paste semua tu). heee.

    but if you do, you can go to my blog and do tell me. saye bawak turun entri tu. hee.

    wish you all the best with Don. korang sangat comey okay! :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. @unknown

    I really don't mind! Memang I buat post ni pon utk semua orang..haha, i mean I'm speaking through experience lah..

    Do extend the contents! I'd appreciate it!

    LDR sucks kannnnn, rasa nak terjun bangunann hahaha (hahah tetiba, apakah saikosis)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Alia,

    sy ada share entri awk ni kat komen http://cerolian.blogspot.com/2011/07/monolog-dengan-bulan-cinta-dan-jarak.html

    tak semua ada positive opinion mcm awk ;)

    i do enjoy every single entry of yours dear, cuma a bit mls part komen, hikhik

    ReplyDelete
  18. wahh! so gonna salin semua ni dalam buku nota utk bekalan masa hadapan...

    tapi kan...
    camne nak ada LDR sedangkan tak ada pon 'relationship' sbb kami hanya 'teman tapi mesra'???

    ReplyDelete


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