Captain of the Universe

I know most of you letak gambar-gambar juadah berbuka puasa kan. Meleleh air liur ok! I mean nak makan ikan keli salai masak lemak cili api macam mana nak makan haaa! Ikan keli pon susah nak dapattt!

Ai makan salmon jeeee...hahahahahah....sila kasi penampar sikitt

But di masa you all semua berbuka puasa dengan ikan bakar air asam, ulam kampung sambal belacan, kari daging, limpa sambal, dalca, rendang ayam etc etc, saya makan ini untuk berbuka puasa! (macam la waktu berbuka tu sama kan...haha..)

Muahahahaha (eh apa motif nak gelak ebil?)

"ish, apa bebola ni??"

...dyed my hair pitch black!

Eh, ok lah, it's blue black but you can't see the blue without natural sunlight.

Seriously!

I've dyed my hair of all the extreme colors, red, pink, orange, purple and I have NEVER dyed it black until today!

I mean before this I would never have thought of coloring it "black" cause I'm Asian and I naturally have black hair right?? Might as well be blonde, or red, or brunette. Right??

After all, I thought black is plain and boring. My hair roots are black!!

NOT!

My hair roots are BROWN uolls. Jangan memain!!

I IS MAT SALLEH (celup) !!

Kah kah kah!

I know I know, the dye just to enhance my already black-ish hair, that's why it's SO BLACK. Tak tipu! Hitam giloss!!


...or maybe I'm just stoked cause aku dah lupa rambut aku ni sebenarnya kaler apa sebab dah banyak kali dye?? (Chewah, padahal ada 2 choices je, dark brown or black)


Anyway! Silalah bersiap sedia untuk menatapi gambar-gambar unedited horrifying, eyes-popping, brain hemorrhaging pictures!!

TADA!!!

MY HAIR IS FINALLY BLACK (again) !!!

Oklah, this picture just to show you how SHINY IT IS!! I IS IN LOVE WITH MY OWN HAIR (vain)

Tapi kalau you rasa boleh jadi pelakon dalam cerita hantu jepungg pon bolehhh.

I HAS TALENT OK. Jangan memain. Kah kah kah!




YAK. SIAPAKAH PEREMPUAN INI.

Forget the eyebags, LOOK AT THE GORGEOUS HAIR!!! (eh, gorgeous ke, mcm biasa jeek - lantak la nok, aku rasa lawa sudah, if you don't agree with me, anda boleh pergi mati. Hahahaha...keji tak ayat ni)




Oh masa ni I was playing with my makeup yang saya baru beli! Eh, oklah, Don bought it for me (which warrants another blog entry, sebab tahap kemalasan adalah kronik)




How to thicken your eyebrows ah? Aku rasa aku dah terover plucked, so agak botak/fine. I don't really like to use eyebrows kit (make up) sebab tak gheti. Hahaha...




LOOK AT THE SHINE!!!




Anyway, you still can see a bit of brownish on my hair sebab I'm naturally a brunette.

Hahahahahaha...sila muntah.




Eh so what, bila lagi aku nak letak gambar perasan jelita. Selama ni aku asyik letak gambar comot je, biarlah aku perasan lawa kejap!!! (though I was wearing my baju tidur...haha...apa nak buat..kalau comot tu mmg tetap comot)

HE DOESN'T CARE!!
Cause he was busy playing games.

PFFFBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB *talk to the hand*

This morning (morning yek? bangun pun pukul 2 petang, kah kah kah) I was blog hopping, sampailah ke blog Peeja (chewah, bunyi macam tak pernah visit). She was talking about kenapa anak-anak sanggup hantar mak bapak ke rumah orang tua..sedih lah.

I mean kalau kau mampu nak bayar ribu-raban untuk fees, kenapa tak sanggup nak jaga? At least duit fees tu kau boleh upah maid suruh jaga kalau tak mampu/tak sanggup nak jaga sendiri. They're old, they need some comfort and I know sometimes orang-orang tua ni can be ridiculously bermulut laser, but they're still your mak dan bapak/atok dan nenek ye tak? Because of them lah you exist.

Sampai hati nak tolak diorang tepi sebab you don't have the guts (yes, GUTS) to take care of them like how they took care of you.

I might not be a very very super good daughter yang stok kalau makcik-makcik tengok terus "wahh, inilah pilihan aunty untuk jadi menantu!" type. Sure, I don't cook, I don't clean, bangun pon bila matahari dah tinggi, sometimes I help in the kitchen, tapi mostly aku just duduk with my legs popped up. But at least I have the decency to acknowledge THEIR deeds (bukan deed harta ok) and kasih sayang and that is more than enough to make me not to put them in retirement homes. Of course lah my decision is driven by my love towards them.

Sanggup ada anak-anak hantar mak bapak away?

Well I hope YOUR kids will do the same to you. Monkeys see monkeys do.

Anyhow, setelah bersedih-sedih mengenangkan kisah ibu bapa terbiar itu, I found this link..it's from a movie lah, I know some of you dah tengok, but I haven't...

so...enjoyyyy (wah, tetiba jadi mcm Melodi)

I have a problem..well, more like discomfort feeling, but I cannot say it here, because well guess why, EVERYBODY'S READING MY BLOG. Haha..yea yea, please smack some reality onto me. I so deserve it.

NOT.

Ideserveitnot.
I deserve it pause NOT.

I like Borat, you like??

Alright, well it's 4 fricking am and I'm still awake. I just had my sahur and I'm wide awake. Thank you Sundrop. Thank you sugar rush.

*drops dead*

------

Oklah! Seriously la ye, I don't like lying bastards.

I seriously loathe it when you've gained someone's trust and you misuse it. You're a fucking idiot. What, you think it was easy to let you crawl back into my/his/her life? You fucked it up before and you repented, you fucked up again and you repented, and now you're screwing it AGAIN?

What makes you think that you have this Godly power that you can just walk out from someone's life and come back whenever you want? You deserve no forgiveness, you just need to GROW THE FUCK UP.

Wah...emo kau Alia.

-----

Crap...this is such a shitty feeling.

I mean what's the use of a blog if I can't even vent on it???! I can't say what I REALLY want to say because I don't want certain people to know! I don't care if my friends know about it, but there are some strangers yang I seriously do not want them to know.

Eh, can I call them "strangers" since I only talked to them for like a line or two a couple of years ago? I don't consider them "acquaintances" let alone "friends".

But I am sooo tempted to write it here because I ADORE controversy topics. Har har har.

Ok ok bad Alia, Bad bad!

But seriously, this blog has lost its main purpose already. I can't exactly write about how I feel, I can't write bad things about certain people (hehe), I can't write about anything! Now it's just an entertainment blog. It's no longer a sanctuary, but merely a jukebox.

I mean c'mon lah, I don't generate any income, I have no fan base, I don't get anything from this blog and yet I have my hands tied.

Freedom of speech my ass.

Oklah, though I have to admit, I love my blog because of my useless and pointless entries. And it was/is generally fun to write and read (matiler pujik blog sendiri).

Maybe I should create another blog anonymously?

Dunnolah, nanti nanti lah.

-----

What is up with these people and sikap menunjuk-nunjuk beg LV (or Coach or any other branded items) yang berharga ribu raban itu?

Oklah, fine, your HUSBAND bought you a RM7000+ handbag but is it really necessary to say (and I mean type it in BOLD AND COLORFUL FONT) over and over and over and over again.

"I went to pasar tani yesterday and boy, it was fun and my toes curled up when I found out akak-akak over there jeling jeling my new RM7000+ LV handbag!"
"Today I went to the gym and I felt sorry for my RM7000+ LV handbag kena crushed inside the locker room!!"
"Tomorrow I'm going to jog in the park with my newly bought RM7000+ LV handbag!!!"

Since I dah tukar my layout (brapa kali tukar la), bila lagi mau test bullet form kan?

• I feel like my blog is no longer MY SECOND SANCTUARY yang di mana pada mulanya ianya di create hanya untuk aku mengeluarkan suara hati. But now, semua entries aku akan di judged dan di nilai. How can I be brutally honest kalau setiap masa I have to recheck my writing kot kot ada subject yang akan buat orang tersinggung ke apa. I just don't have that passion to write anymore! (chey, macam lah dulu ada kann...haha)

• I don't like to be controlled. I am living MY OWN GODDAMN life. Please just leave me alone. I appreciate your advices and shit, but please, don't tell me what to do. I know you don't like the things that I do/did, but these are MY choices, yang kau sebok apasal? When I was in Malaysia, you didn't give a shit about me or my life, but since I came here, wah, bukan main kecoh lagi; you don't think it's a good time for me to go here lah, you're worried about me living with a non-muslim family lah, you don't appreciate me going here in the first place lah, well, guess what, I don't appreciate you telling me WHAT YOU THINK! I don't give a flying fuck if you're concern about me living with a non-muslim family or the fact that there are no Malays living here. FYI, THIS NON-MUSLIM FAMILY has a lot more integrity and RESPECT than your typical Malay family. What, just because diorang bukan Islam, kau nak cakap they're evil? They respect my belief and I respect theirs. Apa kau ingat typical keluarga Melayu kau tu baik sangat? Anyway, tak payah susah susah sangat nak amik tau pasal hal aku, even my immediate family pon tak kecoh macam you.
  

• This is why I love my immediate family. They know I love them, and I know they love me. They respect the things that I do/want to do because they know it makes me happy. They don't use this controlling-your-kids idea just to make them 'obey' because they know if they do that, it's gonna instill "fear" instead of "respect". Apa guna kalau you have children yang ikut cakap you but instead of them doing that willingly, they're doing it because they FEAR you. I'm sorry, that's just not family values. My family also knows that they cannot stop me from loving someone, despite his skin color or culture. As long as he makes me happy, I don't think my family would be the barrier in between =)

• On another less-emo-ish note, autumn's growing closer. I can actually feel the slight chill during night times now. I laike. Hehe. Bila lagi mau pakai baju tebal tebal dan berlagak macho? Kat Genting? (haha..apakah tetiba Genting). Tapi apa kes, fall baru main acah-acah nak jejak, aku dah siap sedia pakai winter jacket...haha..jakun sungguh.
  

Kan hari tu pergi shopping, tapi tak sempat nak update apa-apa sebab kemalasan kronik melanda...ni baru nak update, tapi kemalasan tu masih ada sikit sikit, so buat kerja separuh hati la..haha..

Anyway! Disaster for that day! Hari tu Don tak ikut, so the disaster agak kuat sebab duit kena keluar dari poket sendiri..hahah!

When I was at the cashier, masa tengah keluarkan dompet, boleh tak mak Don cakap "you didn't get his credit card?? Why?? You know his PIN number! USE IT!"

Hahahaha...sungguh kejam...tapi apakah, I'm not his wife yet, tetiba nak demand mintak credit card..cacat sungguh tak! Lain cerita la kalau he's with me kan...kelip kelip mata je, terus dia bayarkan. Hahahahahaha..keji nya aku ni.

Anywaaayyyyy, I'm collecting some baju baju utk pergi Vegas nanti, takkan nak pakai baju koyak koyak kot (not that I have any...chey, dan dan kaver line haha).

Did I tell you we went to Kohl's? I love Kohl's.

Yayaya! I bought a dress! Susah ok mahu cari dress. Semua dresses yang aku jumpa before this, semua tank dress la, tetek kecik la, string dress la, >$100 lah..mcm mcm ok!

I need a dress for the business party masa kat Vegas nanti. I'm thinking of wearing it with a calf-high boots, tapi sekarang summer, mcm tak padan lah pulak. Strappy sandals??...I dunno what to wear it with lah!! Skali aku pakai selipar jepun kang...


Ok next!!





I love my babydoll top! Maybe you can't see, but there are manik manik kat bunga bunga tu.

I can mix and match it with anything! Sungguh best!!


Seterusnya!


This is my fav too!!

Though I didn't buy it on the same day (I..err..ok Don bought this a few weeks ago), but I love the glitters kat dada tu! It's a sleeveless top, tapi takkan aku nak pakai mcm tu je kan, I don't want to show my flabby arms..haha.


Next!


Ini pon I didn't buy on the same day. I love the sheer-ness of the top. Sungguh berangin. Fits well kalau pergi bersantai di pantai memakai bikini...tapi I don't have a bikini. Mati semua orang kalau aku pakai bikini kootttt..



Next!


Siapalah si gila ni...haha. Posing muka macam pekasam! (apa motif tetiba pekasam?)

I didn't buy the top on the same day juga (abis tu, apahal kau nak sebok sebok letak dlm entry ni lah cacat?) Haha...saiko.

Anyway, the material is satin and I love satin. Tapi kalau pakai kat Malaysia, adanya aku lemas dengan peluhhhh..I don't really like the belt that it came with, so I most probably would pakai my own belt nanti.

Well, its belt is a multipurpose belt, I can use it to jadi reben kepala, ikat kat beg, etc.


Next!



Har! Har Har

Sila muntah. Keji aku tengok gambar sendiri.

Satu outfit tu aku beli masa kat sini, though they're not entirely new..I've worn them a couple of times, definitely gonna bring them to Vegas.


Ish ish ish, teruk sungguh posing muka aku kan..tapi pernah ke aku posing muka ala-ala control ayu/cun?? pernah ke?? Bukan selama ni mmg muka macam haprakk keeee...haha..Nak control control?? That's not me bebb.

Eh apakah tetiba nak emo?

Anyway! Here are the prices of the outfits (yang aku beli that day):


Gila hokkk, 80% off. Dari 34 jadi 6.80...mcm Rm6.80 youu! Kenot tahann!



Imagine (or at least I did/am) Rm17.60!! Elle RM17.60...wah, mesti mahu beli. Hahah...

Teruk tak perangai..

Tapi betul, kalau dok nak convert duit, mmg takkan beli apa apa la selagi ada kat sini. Baik lupakan terus bab bab convert mengonvert ni kan!



Ni memula ingat tanak beli, sebab tak nampak tanda discount kat atas rak..skali nampak, terus tarik.

Hehehe..

I spent my day hanging out (that means pedicure/manicure treatment, eyebrows trimming AND shopping) with my mother in law (chewah, dah mengaku terus tu) and also, tidak lupa gossiping all the way. Sungguh girly girly kan? Syiok!

It was bonding time as well as preparing ourselves for Vegas trip (hey, kami ini perempuan, preparations must made a month AHEAD of time).

I've made some $51 disaster for the shopping event, but the pedi/mani/eyebrows were all mom. Terima kasih! Shopping aftermath will be updated later sebab sekarang saya tengah malas mau edit itu gambar.

But what I want to tell, is this story that I wrote, 4 years ago (treasure di zaman silam woo). I know some of you sudah baca (dan muak!), but since I deleted my old blog, I'm gonna paste the whole short story here, sebagai kotak memori.

Nak baca, baca, tanak baca, sudahh! Ptui! hahahah..tetiba nak ludah orang...

--

"It is rather quiet here.. "I think to myself.

"Probably because of the wind.."as I continue to have this conversation with myself.

The wind is blowing harder and harder every minute. Usually there would be news helicopters seeking opportunities for their news coverage perpetually, but today, is different. It is windy and cold but I purposely choose to ignore the discomfort.

Here I am, all the way up on one of the tallest buildings, looking down with my sniper rifle aiming at one direction, waiting for my next command. I am merciless, brutal, repulsive, ruthless, I am an animal, I'm not me, and I am going to end Don's life.

I am full with hatred towards him. He means nothing to me. My loathe grows by every second, and the loathe grows to vengeance.

With an earplug neatly attached to my ear, I finally received my last command.

" NOW!!!"

With my gun pointing directly at his chest, without mercy, I am about to pull the trigger...

Suddenly, I hear a voice in my head.

"Do you want to kill this man that you love?"

I stumble.

"Don't you love him anymore?"

"No, he is nothing!! Kill him!" I retaliate.

"Where is your great love towards him? Your great desire for him? Have you forgotten your promises?"

I stutter. I am sweating as these two sides of me continue to repel.

And in between those voices, I hear my boss's order

"SHOOT! SHOOT ALIA SHOOT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU IF YOU LET HIM GO! SHOOOOT!!!"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!"I yell to 'those voices'.

I continue to focus on my primary mission....to kill him. And my imp side is winning. I look into the scope and I saw...


---

....my moments with him. My happy moments with him, full with laughters, smiles and cries. His voice echoes inside my head. I hear him says..."I love you Alia...".

I stop.

I shake my head hoping to flush those sweet memories which somewhat to be an agony to me.

And it is gone. I, once again, look into the scope after being threatened by my boss. My own life is at stake!

I am determined. He is going to die, and not me.

...........
..............

And suddenly I see light. Bright white light. .........

I am no longer on top of the roof. No voices opposing each others. No screaming for actions.

Somewhat, I am relaxed, calmed...and happy. I am in a house. Looking and smiling at a little boy.

The boy is watching television. I rise up from my seat and go to him, kneeling besides him.

"Hey..why don't you play outside. It's a wonderful day y'know.."

The boy looks at me and says,

"But my daddy won't allow me to go outside.."

"He won't? Why? It's beautiful!"

"I dunno..he said it's too dangerous..."

"Oh.."

Disappointed, I get up. I take a peek outside from the window pane. And smile. I gently pick the little boy up and carry him to the door. I open the door.....

...and it is so beautiful. The lawn is green, with little spots here and there covered with snow. It's spring. The birds are chirping, the clouds are still, the sky is in the brightest blue ever. The smell of grass. And I can hear splashes of water...might be the beach.

I put the little boy down onto the ground of snow.

He grabs a little snow with his palm,

"It's cold!"

"Yes, it's cold, this is snow, made from ice"

And I touch the grass with my bare hand,

"And this is grass. C'mon, touch it"

And he uses his hand to touch the grass...and he smiles at me.

I just sit there and watch him play with the snow. It was a glorious moment for me..I just don't know why. Who might this boy be? Why his parents won't allow him to go outside? What a silly little idea of keeping him away from the nature's beauty! I questioned myself.

While watching him play, suddenly, there was a crack sound from the door. Blood rushes away from my face.

"Oh my God..my boss..he found me! He's going to kill me and the boy!!!"

I grow panic. I don't have anywhere to run..nor to hide. All I can do is just hoping that God would help these poor little souls.

......

The door swings open. A man walks out. Looking at the boy.

"DADDY!"

I give a little scream,

"DON!"

I run towards him and hold him tight. As tight as I could.

And it all comes back to me, the house at the beach is my home, and the little boy is my son.


------

I am on top of the roof again. Holding my sniper rifle.

"KILL HIM OR I WILL KILL YOU!!" the voice of my boss's gradually reappears.

I cry.

I have to choose, his life or mine. It's a death trap.


"ALIA SHOOT! PULL THE TRIGGER! SHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!"





...And I lower my gun down.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! YOU DO KNOW WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE IF YOU DON'T SHOOT!!?! NOW KILL HIM!!!"

"......No. I love him."

And I woke up.


-- Dreamt on 1st Jan 2005, written on 2nd Jan, 2005.

Picture found by Wani on flickr. Sungguh kelakar! Old and rusty..agaknya itu sublime message yang Don ni mmg dah tua dan berkarat kot..haaha!

Gila cheesy mimpi aku....ahaha. Oh kalau ada grammar tunggang terbalik ke apa, sila ignore, I was 21 (chey mcm skrang dah expert dlm segi grammar la kann hahah).

I don't have the mood to update lately (sejak bila ada mood ha) cause I received a phone call from home yg my mom is warded suspected for swine flu.

So far her condition is okay, no vomiting, no diarrhea and fever has been reduced. Though she is quarantined, but at least she's been monitored 24/7 by the hospital staffs, which is a good thing.

We're still waiting for the swab test result to determine whether or not it's h1n1 (she's a confirmed case of strain A test). Can anyone explain this? Aku tak paham.

From what I gathered, in layman's term lah, there are 2 test: first test whether it's stain A, B or C. Second test is another swab test to confirm (or is it reconfirm) h1n1 or not.

Ke??

Or am I just blowing things outta proportions?

Please pray for her ya! I know she's a strong woman cause she's been putting up with me for 25 years..haha.